this picture

circa 1975  New Jersey

This picture might just look like a house on a hill to some, but to me it is a lot more than that.  It speaks volumes.  It kind of haunts me, but in the best of ways.  Each window conjures up a memory of life under its roof and within its safe walls.

I see a kitchen window and my mom inside making this house a home.  This time of the year I'd look for the spritz cookie recipe that we'd use with Christmas cookie cutters.  There would be sprinkles and flour everywhere… and warmth.

I see the living room window panes where mom would tape her homemade snowflakes each year made with white tissue paper… the Christmas tree would be near by.  It wouldn't have the cool small twinkly lights on it that we have today.  The bulbs would be colorful, larger and hot … and I'd occasionally put tinsel on one of them to watch it melt.  The mantle would be decorated and a crackling fire would be lit underneath. 

I can still see every square foot of our property in my mind.  I walked it.  I explored it.  I climbed it.  I cartwheeled and sleigh rode across it.  I grew up in it.

I see my brother's bedroom window and remember the view looking out of it into the woods.  Though I can't see mine I know it's on the other side of the house where the driveway wound down to the dirt road below.

I'm reminded of a back door that for a time wasn't used because there was nothing to go out to.  The rock stairs had crumbled over the years and were replaced later by a nice deck.  But the in-between time  resulted in a door that stayed locked.  This speaks to me about my parents inability to get everything exactly when they wanted it.  They had to save for things.  They had to wait and didn't get into debt just to have stuff right away like too many do today.  They worked hard.  It didn't effect or hurt us one single bit to have to wait to have any material possession.   Even a back door.

I'm hoping future generations see that clearly.  In our pursuit of stuff I hope it doesn't get lost.  The news is full this time of the year of people shopping for the best deals and fighting over them.   Consumerism is running rampant.  I see many houses so full of stuff that they can't even park their car in the garage.  It's so full of stuff.  

New so quickly becomes old… and pushed aside.

My mom and dad made the wise decision before I was born to raise their family here.  Where there was space and fresh air… and a special freedom.  They really did live the American dream.

I don't know.  I like things same as the next person, but real life doesn't consist of more and more stuff.   The best things in life aren't things at all. 

I heard this quote today by Sandra Bullock… She said, 

"When people are like, 'Life is good,' I go, 'No, life is a series of disastrous moments, painful moments, unexpected moments, and things that will break your heart. And in between those moments, that's when you savor, savor, savor.'"

I kind of liked that.  At least the words struck a chord in me.  I try not to focus on the disastrous moments though, but on the savor, savor, savor…...

Richness consists in being able to look back and say how good all the memories were that were made… and all the lessons that were learned and lived…. Richness comes when we love one another through the tough times…. 

knowing that is where a lot of the "good stuff" comes from….

an orchard lesson

The weekend was full and productive. My wonderful husband gets deep satisfaction from taking care of business. He feels a real strong need to teach me things he thinks I need to know right now. Because he loves me. Because he doesn't know if he will always be around to take care of me. Because his love for me has always translated into action.

I went to Home Depot this morning for bags of mulch for my flower garden. Gardening has been my latest hobby keeping me busy and active... quite therapeutic too. When I got the bags home we both realized they were too heavy for us to move without the risk of hurting our backs and really struggling. Edd suggested we go back to the store to purchase a wheelbarrow or dolly so we could easily transport heavy stuff now and in the future.  When we were leaving the store with our new dolly I commented to him how he has always strived to make my life easier. Always. He just always has.
We’ve had many conversations lately about how he is going to train me on all our finances, how to manage everything and be savvy in this area.  I have been doing a lot of work in the yard this summer planting flowers, buying dirt and stepping stones and mulch. His strong desire is that in the same way I manage my flower garden, I know how to manage my investments. I buy plants without having to ask him which ones to buy. I plant them and take care of them. He wants me to be able to be that way with all our finances.
He's been calling our investments my orchard. He wants me to be able to manage my own orchard and be confident.  When we are finished with all this "training" he wants me to feel real ownership of those investments like I do my garden. Today he showed me how to purchase stock and I bought some! We did some research to understand a little more how the market works. What is the NASDAQ Composite, Dow Jones Industrial Average, etc.?  I don't understand all that much, but I know a heck of a lot more than I did a couple days ago...which was nothing!

An orchard is long term. Trees don't grow overnight. You don't have to work it every day but the trees give security and protection for the future. His desire is for my future to be secure. It's important to him that I be empowered and knowledgeable ... so I will try to be a good student. It makes him happy and gives him peace. He is a natural manager and planner and he is forcing me in a gentle and loving way to be the same. Quite simply, I want him to be proud of me.
Words can’t even begin to describe how incredibly blessed I am to have him.

October (yay!)

Ahh... October! (exhale) It ushers in so many good thoughts and feelings. It anounces that we made it through the hot summer and promises cool fresh days ahead. I am going to try to be very present in each day and appreciate the blessings each one brings.

Things to look forward to...

A visit from mom and dad the first part of November!

Getting a larger Christmas tree this weekend I saw at Costco yesterday! (Need my hubby to go with me)

Baking!

Using the fireplace!

Continuing to learn and grow and make peace with all that rushes around me.

Loving my friends and family better.

Walks and talks with my husband.

Being open to new things God wants to do in my life.

(quick list... to be continued)

Safe

It was such a nice Christmas. It was warm and wonderful and loving and comfortable and safe. This year was safe... yes. How I pray it remains that way for as long as possible. God's hand is upon all of us whether we believe in Him or not.

Last year can definitely be described as unsteady and without any safety. Like walking on a tight rope without a net underneath.

I feel incredibly blessed... and loved... and safe. Thank you Edd for your steady teachable understanding love ....

Thank You Lord.