thoughts for today

I decided today that waiting till Thanksgiving to make a pumpkin pie is a bad idea.  I think this year I will spread Thanksgiving goodness throughout the whole week before and even after Thanksgiving!   I think the expectations we build up over the holidays can threaten to lessen some of the joy and I don't want to do that.

Thanksgiving Day I plan to do some volunteer work in the morning.   Other family members have plans for part of the day too.  When I get home I'll make a turkey and lots of other yummy things, but it's all about enjoying this time of year and remembering the good in our lives.  We can have leftovers all week.  I'll drag out some Christmas decorations ….

I'm learning that I need to be able to be flexible and fit into the changes in my life.

I took a walk this morning and gathered leaves as I went along.  They were so pretty. Texas changes in the fall too.  It just takes longer…  Few things bring me back to my childhood the way a cold Autumn day does.  The memories are vivid…. the way the air smelled along with the smoke coming from our chimney in New Jersey as my dad burned fragrant cedar logs.   Today was cold… all day…  upper thirties here as I walked… and the air made my ears sting.  I like to walk because it's a good time to think and pray…  remember… and center myself.

Changes come all throughout our lives.  Maybe I'm just more aware of it now than I used to be.  As soon as you settle into a new "normal" that normal changes again and we need to readjust to begin to feel comfortable again.  Like the seasons….

I'm looking forward to purging things out of my life that aren't useful anymore.  Things that aren't positive or helpful or beautiful.  I am becoming more and more drawn to simplicity and ridding my life of clutter.  In a world where people seem to want to continuously accumulate stuff I am seeing the enormous value of getting rid of the noise in our lives so we can really hear what's important.  It's a process and I have a long way to go.

My wish today is that all have enough….. being content and grateful… with always enough.

timing

Recently I heard a statement that I could really relate to.  You know how you can hear words expressed and not think much about them ... and then you hear something that brings poignant truth straight to your heart.

"Life is about timing... and timing is everything in love and in loss...."

When I look backwards in my life it only confirms that.  I am still amazed at the perfect timing in meeting Edd.  How we almost lost touch, but then reconnected.  About the rightness of it all.  How I believe we were put together for something of eternal worth... much bigger than we could have imagined, for a special purpose and time.  For both of us.  Though I miss him no less each day, he is still with me... and it's a warm comfortable place in my heart where I sense his love still...

I'm not naturally a patient person when I want something to happen.  But some of the best things that have come to me in my life came unexpectedly... and were dropped in my lap.

Timing.

I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned and how it's changing me.... where it's leading me.

It's leading me to embrace more of what is eternal and less of what is temporary.  It's pressing me to not fret the small stuff and really see what is before me and whether it has value or not.  To take the time.  It's made me see how so much of what people do in this life is chasing after the wind.  Chasing after things that really don't satisfy.

I've always been grounded, but it's upped the ante... or raised the bar... for seeing what is important and what is not.  It's solidifying my values.

Our society is way out of control with its consumerism and we've just lost touch with what contentment and satisfaction is all about... with a lifestyle that knows how to love simple things and enjoy moments.  We think we need more and more stuff to be happy when that has nothing to do with happiness at all.

Timing is everything in love and loss...

That truth gives me faith and courage for the days ahead.

many "to dos" to do today

It's been a busy week.   A leak here, a leak there...  some repairs made.  Getting the furnace inspected and up to speed for some c-c-c-cold nights!  Brrr.  When it rains it pours and everyone can relate to that one.  The recent storms also revealed I need a new roof ... bummer.   Such is life.... But today was full of tackling projects and it felt good.  Pushing forward and eliminating things needing to be done.  One day at a time as they say.

I like looking at my "to do" list after a day like today and seeing all I accomplished in my waking hours.  

Got my windshield replaced.  Grrrr.... a stone flew up while on the highway and cracked it a few days ago.

Took down and cleaned some vents on the ceiling that looked yucky.  I bought new ones, but they were the wrong size of course.  I always have to make at least two trips to Home Depot or Lowes to complete one simple project.  Decided to just wash/scrub them instead though!  

Changed AC/Heater air filters and vacuumed the dusty area.

Pruned plants and flowers.  Planted some in pots to replace a few that froze to death last night.  Poor things.

Got current on my "bill pay" and organized piles of papers on my desk.

Ran a multitude or errands, bought and mailed a couple gifts to family and friends, did some grocery shopping...

Got brave and tackled difficult phone calls I was putting off.... 

Sigh.

My desire, my hope, my goal ... is to simplify my life and home more and more.... and more.   There are still some uncontrollable aspects in my life, but much I can do to move toward that end to simplify.  It's a process and I can't expect to get there all in one day... or week... or month but I can keep moving in the right direction.  And I intend to.

You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still holding on to yesterday's junk.

  ~Louise Smith

Simplify:  Eliminate the unnecessary so the necessary may speak!

ever changing

Just got back from another trip to the Oregon Coast.  It hasn't changed too dramatically since the first time I went out there.  The Pacific ocean is just as beautiful and majestic as the waves hit the shore... and they hit ferociously too since it was stormy.  Though I got one good walk in along the rocky paths it mostly rained.  One day the weather was sunny, then rained, then sunny, then hailed, then sunny, then rain.... and so on.  Ever changing.

Like life.

The biggest change out there is that mom is missing.  Her smile, warmth and open arms.  Her presence seems to be everywhere though.   It's nice, but painful.  Bittersweet in the extreme.  Memories come one after another like the ocean waves.  Love seems to fill all the nooks and crannies of a home that was filled with her influence and beauty.  

I want so much to embrace and then share all the good that has been mine... so many blessings.... comfort and warmth.  Love and acceptance.... I'm still finding my way in all of this.  Some people seem to go on and embrace life to the fullest again... but I'm still a bit stunned.   Sometimes I curse the deep thinker and overly sensitive me.... but it's who I am and that's okay ... and there must be a purpose in it all....

So I wait, and I move forward, and I do what I can each day.... carrying all the good stuff I've been given close to me ... deep in my heart.

dachshunds to the rescue!

Last year I lamented a little bit not being able to go to the Annual Reunion for the dachshund rescue organization I got Norman from .... but this year we went.

Dog lovers are a special breed, no pun intended, and dachshund owners/lovers are in a class all by themselves.  I met a lady who rescues dogs that have been abandoned around her city... all kinds of dogs.   I met a woman who owned a dachshund with no teeth or jaw.  I met a couple who adopted two dachshunds, one had scars all over his back and had been abused.  I met sweet little dachshunds who are being trained and used as therapy dogs. 

Since it was an October event, many of the doxies were in costumes for Halloween.  My Norman just won't stand for that though.  He freezes up and won't move if I even put a sweater on him.... so I won't torture him!  Though my previous dachshund LOVED to wear sweaters!

There were hot dogs (of course) for lunch, raffles, free samples of pet food, treats, interesting vendors selling their stuff.... and DACHSHUND RACES!  If you've never seen a dachshund race you're really missing out!  It's hilarious.  They race a short distance to their owner on the other end of the track.  Some run a straight path and others don't.  Very sweet!



Off to the races!

Norman got to see the lady, Christine, who took care of him for quite some time before I adopted him.  He certainly seemed to remember her and gave her some kisses and sat contentedly on her lap.  Another dachshund who hadn't seen Christine in almost two years ran up to her as she sat in a chair next to me.  The little guy was crying and carrying on trying to get to her.  Though he now has a wonderful home, he remembered Christine and showed it with every whimper, wiggle, yelp and wag of his tail!



Norman with Christine

There are so many dogs that need forever homes and I really appreciate all that these organizations do to place great companions into loving homes and arms.  After losing Edd, Norman made me smile again.



Norman with his crooked foot



Me... the day he came home with me

random statements, questions and observations.... for a friday evening....

Life is too short to be motivated by anything but love.  Sometimes I think things through too much and lose site of the best priority.... just love and leave the results to God.

I choose to embrace and celebrate my life with courage.  Edd offered me tons of courage through his example, his love for me.... and his trust and confidence in me.

Cultivate infectious joy?  I saw that on a bumper sticker recently.  What does that mean actually?

The worst thing you can do to a person is make them feel invisible.  Like they are not even worth your time.  Validate people.

Some relationships are corrosive.... little by little people are being minimalized.  You shouldn't allow anyone to make you feel that way.  We need to accept the significant people in our lives and love them right where they are.  We don't have the power to change anyone, but we have the power to change ourselves.

I did something hard today.  I sorted through some more belongings of my husband's that needed to go to Goodwill.  No one has been there to help.  Some things you have to go through alone I guess.  But I did it and got through it reverently... till the next time.  It still hurt though as if I lost him yesterday.

We draw to us what we are... call that the law of attraction or whatever... but we are like magnets to those who identify with us or want what we project.  You want good people in your life?  Be that!  It can be a good thing when people drop out of our lives....

It's not that I miss Edd any less, it's just that a heart cannot maintain that level of grief for long and be able to be healthy or sane.   You cannot function at that level of grief forever so you have to let some of it go and disengage....  I hate that too though but it's a matter of survival.

Sometimes there is a fine line between inspiration and feeling bad about yourself.  Sometimes reading other people's life stories do one or the other to me.  I need to be the best version of ME that I can be...  not compare myself to someone else and what they are doing.

I want to get rid of more and more clutter in my life.  I want the best kind of "more" in my life....

"When you look back in 20, 30, 60 years, what would you rather see? A life filled with stacks of stuff and a ton of obligations and a lot of scurrying... around from errand to errand? Or a life centered around carefully gathering valuable experiences and items and goals?

Because that’s the other half of minimalism. The half where less gives way to more: more experiences, more enjoyment, more purpose, more connections, more laughter, more independence, more passion, more great work. The best kind of more." Jeffrey Tang

Yeah, that's what I want.

moms

As a mom I worry about my kids... and let's face it, your children, no matter what their age will always be your "kids".    I'm not the first, nor the last, nor the only one.... who feels this way.  I am part of a long line of mothers who love their children with a deep and lasting love ..... who prays for them and gives them to God every day.  I wish for them to have contentment, fulfillment and joy... and all they need to make wise and good choices.

Ahhh..... there is peace in just knowing I can pray for them.... there is a serenity that comes when you give up control as an act of faith and rest in God's control...

Is it strange that as my relationship with God gets closer... more healthy...  that I feel the presence and closeness of Edd even more as well...  and more real?  I don't think it's a coincidence.

Sometimes I feel this world is even closer to the next than we realize.

But getting back to moms....

I remember when I was a little girl.  I was an insecure little kid.  I felt the most safe when I was home with my mom in our country house up on a hill in rural New Jersey.  I'd walk down the driveway every day to get the bus when I was only five years old... going to Kindergarten.  As I'd leave the house I'd say, "Mom am I going to be okay today?"  Knowing my fears, she'd always reply, "Yes, you will be okay."

And then somehow I was.... But God forbid I forgot to ask her if I'd be okay before leaving.  I'd then have a worrisome, horrible day!

I must have drove my poor mom crazy!

But I grew up.... and out of those fears.

I guess.  Mostly.... Maybe.

Fast forward a few decades... and I find myself in the office of a cardiologist after getting a slew of tests done.  Basically I was saying, "Doc, am I going to be okay?"

Thankfully he answered, Yes... all is fine.

And my symptoms went away ....  Truth is we all need a little reassurance from time to time, don't we?

I had tests done because I needed to know everything was okay.

As I reflected on this I thought, "Mom, did you have something to do with this?  You're not here to tell me I'm okay, and boy did I ever rely on you for your words of encouragement over the years.  You'll never know.... but I can't help but think you may have had a part in getting me to see someone who could speak your words.... "

All is well.  All will be well.

I love you Mom....