wounds

In the last few years it's become apparent to me that emotional wounds are just as real as physical wounds.  Physical wounds are easy to see... they result in bleeding, pain and possible infection.  They can be ugly.  Sometimes the wound doesn't heal as quickly as another's wound.  Sometimes the wound gets better and then flares up again and needs more attention and care.  Sometimes the wound takes much longer to heal than we think it should.  

Emotional wounds are the same way.  But often we don't give them the same care and compassion. 

But we should.  We need to.

Just because we can't see a wound with our eyes... with a bandage on it, we often think they are not as important.... or even deny their existence.    We need to recognize that they need time to heal and can heal but they need loving nurturing care, just the way a physical wound does.   Sometimes others feel as though we should be "better" sooner than we are....

People we meet each day have them.  I've often thought it would be nice if we could treat people with a little more care and a little more love and just try to see beyond the physical bodies in front of us.  You know, don't take the bait and get all bent out of shape when someone ticks you off or acts like a careless idiot.  You don't have to like it, but don't let people ruin your day.  Oh I know it's hard.... people can be full of prickles and so hard to love... but I learned through losing Edd that emotional wounds take time to heal and there's no rushing the process...  just like there's no rushing a physical wound's healing.  They get better in their own time.  

It's not easy but I'd like to see beyond the physical and remember that people we meet have wounds we can't see.... and wouldn't it be nice if others took the time to care about ours as well ....  It could make all the difference.

Google Images photo

moving forward and trusting ....

I just love evenings like this.  One that I can pour a glass of wine, have a little Brie.... and crackers... enjoy a pesto and tomato pizza and just relax and think and reflect... Count my many blessings.... see clearly God working in my life....

....I've begun trusting myself again.  And it feels right... and good.  While in a vulnerable place I began questioning myself too much and what I had to offer.  And you know what?  After much soul searching I'm coming out of it.  I'm realizing I have much experience and much to share of value.   I don't need to hold back when the circumstance warrants.   Adversity will do that to a person.   Make them question.  Doubt.  But it's designed to eventually make us stronger.  With more resilience, courage and strength ...  and more to give.

It is doing that.

God uses adversity for our good.  If we are willing and open....

Times of questioning in our lives have their place.  I welcome it.  But I'm feeling stronger now.  God brought me into, stayed with me, walked with me through... and brought me out of.... is STILL bringing me out of.... tough times .... for a reason.  Once again I am seeing that His divine plan involves nothing, NOTHING, being wasted.  It's used for our good.... for a purpose.... whether you believe in Him or not... He is....

... for you too.

I'm trusting.

Thankful.

Grateful.

At peace.

this last year....

Life gets busy... and I'm always learning something new.  About myself.  Others.  And about life in general.  One thing that's nice about having a blog, or writing, is that you can look back and remember things that might otherwise be lost. 

It's been a year since I wrote this.... and this....

Today I discovered it's been exactly one year since I bought my bike.  I've been riding quite a bit and find it's one of the best things I did for myself this last year.  I wish I knew just how many miles I've put on it.  It would be fun to know. 

This last year I discovered what it's like to feel as though you are on a downward spiral that you can't stop.   I found out some important things about myself and I couldn't help thinking about other people like me who are struggling too and may not understand what is happening to them.  Time reveals such valuable insights if we continue to be open.

I've had many an insight these last months.

My doctor prescribed some medication for me for stress and anxiety because I asked her for it.  A while back.  I needed something.  I think it may have even helped some in the beginning but some of these medications can be a slippery slope once you start taking them and can really mess with your head.  I've learned I am better off striving to eat healthy, get plenty of rest and exercise, cultivate friendships... and keep seeking God... trusting Him to the bigger things in life that I just can't understand...   

It's been a busy couple of months for doctor's appointments.  Today was the yearly A Woman's Place exam and I'm happy that's over.  The good news is I am ten pounds less than I was this time last year, but 1/4 of an inch shorter!

That hardly seems fair to me!

I talked to a friend recently who described how she felt when she lost her mom and dad.  She said she felt like a little boat drifting in the middle of a vast ocean... Just not quite knowing where she was or where she was going.  Feeling lost.

I could relate.

And I'm learning...

"If you're really listening, if you're awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold ever more wonders."

- Andrew Harvey

"No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow." 

- Alice Walker

"As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us" - Sascha

thoughts about stress

Stress.  Yeah, I've had it.  I took care of my husband with cancer for almost four years only to watch him lose his life to the horrid disease.   I watched my mom take her last breath exactly one year later.  The two rocks in my life.... gone....  My oldest daughter struggles with addictions that I can't fix.   Some decided I wasn't good enough for them and rejected me for following my husband's wishes.   Faith?  I've struggled with that too.  What gave me peace for the last three decades is just not giving me the answers I need right now. 

But I have hope.  Because I am not going to give up the search.  I am getting there and will be all the stronger because of it.  Because of all of it.   Learning lessons that only adversity can teach.... I know God knows all and I have no regrets or guilt... so that gives me courage and hope... I lean on my friends and my family. ....  but I'm only human with limitations so I strive to gain the strength I need.

We all do. 

Funny (well, not really.)  So many of us today struggle with stress in our lives.  It's a tough world.  According to the American Psychological Association (APA) 77% of people regularly experience physical symptoms caused by stress.  That's a lot of folks! 

Today, while at a doctor's appointment, I talked to the nurse who administered a quick EKG of my heart.  As I told her the stresses in my life, she responded with understanding and began to tell me of the stresses in HER life.  I then became the compassionate listener as I heard of her losing a child six years ago.  She said she will sometimes turn on the news and hear of all the horrible things going on and feel a bit overwhelmed with it all..... 

Yup... We are all not that much different if we are honest with one another.  One man in the waiting room spoke to me a couple of times, almost yelling across the room at me stating.... "How's your blood pressure?"  and "Are you filling out all those forms?"   When I lifted my head to look at him, smiling, he then said that it gave him too much stress to answer all those questions!!   I told him I understood.  Honestly, there were about 8 pages of paperwork to fill out for this doctor's appointment.  Possibly a bit overwhelming for an 80-year-old man who came to his appointment holding a blood pressure monitor in his hands..... I wanted to give him a hug..... I see people differently than I used to....

Sometimes all we need is to have something tweaked health wise... some good advice.   And sometimes we just need someone to tell us we are okay and then somehow we are... and our symptoms vanish in time.  Of course sometimes it's serious and by being proactive we stop a catastrophe from occurring.

But most of the time the stresses in life pass and we deal with them and move forward as best we can.

restyled

When Edd asked me to marry him back in 2007, on New Year's Day, it was one of the best days of my life.  Not only because of how happy his proposal made me, but because the ring he chose was so incredibly beautiful.   It gave me great joy to wear it.

After losing him I found comfort in wearing my rings .... but after a while looking down at them brought pain.  Everyone is different.  I have another widow friend who still wears her wedding rings and does so with great happiness.  I couldn't bear to wear them, but I couldn't bear to have them stay tucked away in my jewelry box either.  It made me sad to see them there.   I've wondered what to do and found a perfect solution for me this weekend.

  

The jewelry store where we purchased the rings was having a reuse/renew/restyle event that I went to.  I was able to pick out a new setting and I did!  It's completely different than the original and now my beautiful diamond sits in a white and rose gold setting that accents this Masterpiece perfectly!

I am also going to get the original setting and my wedding band disconnected and have the band saved in its original state.  Then I'll get another gemstone (Edd's birthstone perhaps?) put into the original engagement ring setting .... 

I love it.  It's bringing joy again ... and I know Edd would be pleased....  

... pleased that I can move forward... and still honor our love and special memories!

Restyled

The original

favorite things this week....

New friends ..... happy hour or a movie out, lunch gatherings  .... 

I rediscovered Hawthorne... as in Nathaniel .... and I'm enjoying reading his short stories.... liking the moral allegories and thought-provoking tales.  Last read was "The Ambitious Guest".

Also rediscovered the library (surely my librarian mom is pleased, right?).... and free audio books.... Listening to something good feeds my mind and makes me laugh depending on what I'm listening to! 

Exercising ... (oh why can't I be a tad more consistent?)  I probably do better than most... but not as good as I should.

Reducing the "noise" in my life.

Quotes.... I love 'em!...... Here are some favorites this week....(all by Robert Brault)

"The toughest test of good judgment is to know 

when to withhold your better judgment."

"It can be a lifelong battle to try to love someone 

through the chinks in their armor."

"A river never beats its head against obstacles.  

It always goes around, and it always gets to the sea."

"Two raindrops, flung from the heavens, merge on a windowpane.  

A chance meeting?  Tell it to the two raindrops."

and my favorite....

The mind, as you age,

Is an artist, it seems.

Monet paints your mem'ries,

Picasso your dreams. 

Ah... I relate.....

Favorite story....

The story celebrates love.  The best kind of love.  Loyal and enduring.  I wish our society honored older people more.  Much more.   Many feel they've been forgotten.  We need to slow down, be polite and considerate ... show kindness.... and listen to their stories.   This story touched me so much..... there are many like him.  Many older folks feel invisible....and that breaks my heart....


*********


"It is not necessary to be strong in every place if in the place you are vulnerable, you are loved."

rainy days are nice around here

Loving the rain we've had this week.  I noticed that the outside temperature is often lower than the inside temperature and that is pretty unusual for mid-July in Texas.  Even throughout the night the thermometer rarely goes below 76 this time of year.   The parched ground is getting a good soaking and somehow it just does my soul good as well.

My poor daughter and son-in-law though.  They are desperately wanting to see more progress on the building of their house so they don't have to live with me for the next five years!!!  The foundation was going to be poured this week.  Don't know whether that was possible with this rain.  Oh, the uncontrollable things of life!   We were all cozy and comfy inside today ... although I heard a strange high-pitched noise and in my confused state (which I find myself in quite regularly actually!) I went to different places in the house to just ... listen intently... What the ... what IS that?  ... and where is it coming from... Then it hit me!

I had recently bought an alarm and put it in the water heater pan up in the attic.  If my water heater begins to leak the alarm will let me know before any water damage can occur in the lower levels of the house.   Nifty little device actually.   So I rushed up the attic ladder to find a bit of water from the roof dripping into the pan of the water heater!!  I mean, really, what were the chances of that?!!  The water heater was fine, but the roof was leaking a little bit right into the water heater pan below!  Practically dripping on the water alarm!  Oh, the joys of being a home owner.  It's always something.

Talked to my dad too.... He of course is still going through his own hell of missing my mom...  It's good for him to talk about her... and just be told he's normal to feel such sadness.  He told me he had a really bad night a couple nights ago and couldn't sleep so he got up around midnight.  Said he decided to make pancakes!!  Made 22 of them!!!  Said he was really on a roll!  I couldn't help but burst out laughing and he laughed too... and laugh we did.  I'm sure it wasn't funny to him at the time, but when you share it with someone else you can kind of find the humor in it... Now I think it will be our little joke to make us laugh when we need to.  I'm thankful for the healing properties in laughter!

But it was a good day.  After a nice dinner of chicken made in the crock pot, I thought the day would end perfectly if we ran up the street to Austin Scoops.  Some Madagascar vanilla bean ice cream with crushed Reese's peanut butter cup made for a good ending... topped off with a cup of chamomile and mint tea to close out the day!