things I've learned that school won't teach you

I've learned that life isn't neat or tidy but it's so very good.  There are things I'll never understand and I choose to trust that someday things will make more sense. 
Not now, but someday.

 

I've learned that death doesn't end a relationship.  I've learned that even if the physical relationship is gone the spiritual one is still alive.  Love never dies.  It's the way you stay alive after you're gone.  Thankfully I have been the recipient of a lot of love. 

I've learned taking hard stands and rejecting people because of differing opinions is sad... often cruel.  Some people don't want to build bridges but want to build walls instead.  I've learned to let people go who don't want you in their life.  And wish them well.

I've learned generally people do what they want to do yet sometimes the fear to change is overpowering.  Often people can move forward with a little help from their friends.  We all need that.

 

I've learned not to take anything good in my life for granted.  People mostly.  Because life is precious and the people we love need to be told that we love them. 

 

I've learned that a sweet, loyal dog in the home can add so much fun and keep your blood pressure at a healthy level!  (Or a cat if you'd prefer!) 

 

I've learned to keep things short or people lose interest!!  Maybe it's just my short attention span, but I lose interest if there are too many words! 

 

So even though I've learned more than this... I'll end now!

 

 

Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will.  ~Vernon Howard

 

There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.  ~Willa Cather

 

A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.  ~Chinese Proverb

 

 

 

 

 

I'm reminded today once again that I want, I need, more courage.  The courage to walk into the future unafraid.  No matter what it might hold.  To do what I can, even if sometimes it doesn't seem like enough.  I can give what I'm able to at the moment and leave the rest to an unseen, but very real God who can take my "loaves and fishes" and multiply them to meet the need.

 

I need to remember it's NOT all up to me.  I can't do everything.  But I can do something.

 

We all can.

a place I've loved

I inhale deeply taking in the fresh coastal air.  Today is exceptionally beautiful.  A little chilly, but the warmth of the sun on my shoulders feels good.  As I walk along the paths I pause.  I'm looking at the same sites, but they're not giving me the same peace they used to.

This place is definitely beautiful.  I've described it as "my kind of paradise".  It was always happy and restful.

I would come here to heal.  After my divorce.  After I lost Edd.  I'd always be greeted with the love I needed and knew would be here waiting.

It's not that kind of place anymore.

I'm not expecting healing to come from it.  It's not why I've come.  It feels lonely. 

One person can make such a difference in the life of another.

Just one person.

Love... and how we give it away, makes a difference.

Don't ever forget that.

 

 

Mother's Day

At my dad's now.  Spending time with a man who I viewed as strong all of my life.  One who worked hard to put food on the table and a roof over our heads.   He didn't think about all he didn't have.  He was rich in all of the most important ways.  He did the best he could to love his wife and provide for his children.  It amounted to a lifetime of hard work and twenty years of a wonderful retirement with his adored wife.  And now?  Now he's trying to figure out what the meaning of life is without her.

And I don't have any easy answers.  Because I feel his loss too.  And I won't even try to tell him what he should feel.  That's not what you do when someone is trying to find their way in the dark room they are in... and they can't go back out the door that's been locked behind them.

I went through some of her belongings again today.

I talked to her as I handled each one. 

"I remember you wearing this blue blouse ... in Hawaii... So beautiful.  .... And this thing...I remember buying it for you.  I must have been six or seven ... a Christmas pin that I thought was sparkly and pretty like you... I wrapped it and gave it to you with love.  I think it cost a dollar... Of course you said you loved it.... And you kept it.... Oh, Mom.... I miss you...."

As I cried I thought.... and said aloud.... "You wouldn't want your little girl to cry... I know you wouldn't.  You'd want to wrap her up in your arms and tell her how much you love her.  You'd be crying too... with her...."

And she would.  Some things I know for sure.

We try to do the best we can as parents, loving as hard as we know how, hoping it gets translated to our children with meaning and understanding.  Hoping the love can give them strength and comfort when they need it the most. 

I felt her closeness.  It was just as real as anything in my life.

fear

Fear. I wish I could say I have no fears.  But that would be a lie.   The truth is the things I've always feared the most have already happened.  I remember as a little girl I was so afraid of losing my mom.... and that she would grow old.    Funny, poignant story.... When I was a little girl, safe and secure in a loving home, I used to watch my mom use a facial mask by Merle Norman.   It was a pink color and she'd brush it on, let it dry and then wash it off.  She said it would keep her young!   I was so afraid that she'd get old.  Whenever I expressed my fear she'd say, "I'll never get old.  I use the pink stuff!"  I guess I just believed whatever she said, because my fears would be relieved!  I believed her. She was like that... always calmed my fears.   It was just a couple of years ago, my mom and I were talking like we so often did and she said,  "I got old.  I know I told you I never would.  But I got old."    I said, "but you are still beautiful".... and she was.   How I want to be the same... like her.   Fear.     It's a joy robber.  I lost Edd.  Not much I feared more than that. And it happened.  But I'm still alive.  Still able to breathe and smile... and finding my way.   So here's the thing.  We do have fears.  I guess they are part of living in this crazy, messed up, yet beautiful world.  But they can be navigated through.  Fought through.    And we can, and should, come along others who fear.... and just tell them,
"You'll make it too."   Somehow we will.    

a quick musing...

memories

rushing through 

filled with scenes that speed by like a freight train

stop... slow it down

let's take another look

relishing those that brought joy and healing and peace and ... rewind... show that one again.... and again.
and that one?
looking hesitatingly through squinted eyes
dare I?
maybe just for a moment
ok, enough.
 

what is life but an accumulation of memories

and lessons learned

growing one on top of another

we turn our heads to look back and see

What?  did that really happen?

it did, it was LIVED yet feels like a dream

 

the dream continues and we add to it day by day

more memories to be made

all adding up to

a life

 

a quote... or two

“You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.”   C.S. Lewis

Kind of puts things in perspective for me instantly.

I don't believe the body is unimportant.  God gave us our bodies and we are supposed to take good care of them.  But the soul needs nurturing too.  More so.  Because it's eternal. 

And on a lighter subject... anything by Yogi Berra.  I relate to his logic!

"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."
Yogi Berra