Saturday, February 21, 2015


I don't know why I sometimes fret.  When I look back on the most significant and special events of my life they were always orchestrated by God at the exact right time.  The best gifts I've received just fell into my lap and my sole response was appreciation.

I learned a lot from my first marriage.  Although it ended after 20 years due to issues that would never be resolved it wasn't all bad.  I had two beautiful daughters at an early age and enjoyed being a mommy so much.  Neither were really planned and I was so happy to have two little girls.  They were  my greatest joy!

Then I met Edd when I wasn't even looking for him!  How could something so wonderful happen in my life with so little effort!  

Remembering this causes me to have peace ... and contentment.  I've learned that God is fully able to do the seeming impossible if he chooses to.


This little orchid plant that I was given by a friend almost a year ago has shown me what waiting can do.  When we don't give up but have a little faith!  When it was given to me it was blooming.  It continued to grow new buds until... it didn't anymore!  After about a month it slowed down and the stem turned into a dead-looking stick.  I knew the plant wasn't dead though because the leaves on the bottom were green and looked healthy.

I looked up "caring for orchids" and did what was suggested.  I trimmed the dead-looking stem by cutting off the dried-up shoots that stuck out.

And I kept it around.

I watered it when it became dry often wondering after seven months if I should just get rid of it.  I think I kept it because it was given to me by a friend.  It certainly didn't add any beauty to my home!  I stuck it in front of a large window behind the living room sofa.

And there it stayed.

One day as I watered it I saw some new shoots coming out of the dead-looking stick that poked out of the dirt.  Two brand new shoots!  Something clearly was happening after many months of dormancy.  A few days later I could see ever-so-tiny buds just beginning to form.

It's happened so slowly but very consistently.  The buds grew bigger and bigger and bigger and looked as though they would pop!

And now it's blooming again.  I'll know better next time.... and have a little more faith.

Patience my friends..... patience....

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Tonight as I sit in my cozy home with my faithful little doggy curled up beside me I am mostly content.  The day was productive and now I wind down with a hot cup of Honey Lavender tea. It's pretty much as delicious as it sounds.

While much of the country is shivering under mounds of snow and cold temperatures, here in Texas it's just right.  I love the way the days warm up for a while and then a cold front comes through and it becomes downright chilly again.  Today was a day to take advantage of the beautiful sunny skies and temperatures in the mid 60's.

I've always wanted to climb up to Mount Bonnell.  It's a great place to view the city, Lake Austin below and all the surrounding hills.  In reality there wasn't all that much climbing, but once up there I was happy I had boots that were fashionable and also good for hiking on rocks!  No slipping off the edge for me!  Just what I needed.... time outside during a beautiful winter(?) day.

Wishing my friends in the Land of Snow and Cold some warm cozy days ... and evenings too.

Saturday, February 14, 2015


I remember not being that crazy about Valentine's Day before meeting Edd.  It was always a nice day, but not especially memorable.  As the kids came along I guess I made it all about them.  

The first Valentine's Day after meeting Edd took my breath away.  We couldn't be together on that day but a huge bouquet of red roses was delivered to my home.  I was completely surprised.  He topped it off with a diamond heart necklace the next weekend we were together.  

Every Valentine's Day after that he also made special.  The memories are numerous and each year the cards from him got mushier.  He told me every year not to get him anything.... said Valentine's Day is for girls, but I'd always get him a card.  I think my delight and appreciation for his kindness was the greatest gift I could give him.  It was what he loved the most.  Feeling loved and special and appreciated.

It's funny.  I still feel so much love.  I think we loved each other a lifetime's worth.  I can't think of anything else I wish I received from his heart that I didn't.  I only need to reread the cards and pull out the thoughtful gifts and .... remember.  My heart is full.  Still. 

So.  Today was nice.  I made some healthy dishes like Lentils Dal... a spicy dish made with ginger, garlic, cauliflower, and other aromatic spices.  Had some good talks with friends.  And I received the prettiest flowers delivered to my home from my brother and his sweet wife.  They are happily blooming now on the coffee table.  I feel blessed and content.

Friday, February 13, 2015

50 shades of skip it

There are times when our society especially disturbs me.  Now is one of those times as the movie Fifty Shades of Grey comes out in the theater.  It perplexed me when the book made its entrance and people made a fuss.  Now it’s even more disturbing.

I’m not a prude.  I couldn’t have had a better intimate relationship with my husband.  I guess you’ll have to trust me on that one.  I believe whatever a couple agree to in the bedroom is their business.  But I am weary of having graphic sexual exploits of others thrown around in public.  I mean are we in such need of validation that we have to try to get everyone to agree that what we do is all okay?

There is just so little wisdom anymore.

Explicit descriptions and images are shoved into the mainstream of our society’s consciousness luring people as though it’s something we all need to know about and be entertained by.  A man using sex to manipulate, control and cause pain isn't my idea of a good time.  Can’t we as a society care about other more important things and solve some real problems?  

One of the greatest things in life is an intimate relationship with someone you love, trust and want to please, but I find it creepy in the extreme to go to a theater with a bunch of strangers (or your friends?) and stare at a big screen to watch and listen to sexual acts and discussions that are designed to shock.  

The real troubling thing is the way we fall for these things and follow the crowd.  All the way to more and more dysfunction.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Time seems to be moving so quickly.  Almost as though it's getting away from me.  Moving faster and faster as the days go by.  I feel as though I'm watching out a window at the world going by, yet in many ways I'm doing just what I want to do.  What I need to do.

I had a dream last night that was vivid and real at the time but has since faded.  Mom was in it.  She was alive and with me.  So near.  I heard her call my name out loud ... "Kathi!"  ... and her voice was so clear.... I heard her... It was so... her.... and I heard her say my name... it was her... she was right there... here... close to me... and I woke up because it was so loud and vivid...

Was it her?

It sure seemed like it because her voice was something I could not have imagined by myself.  So recognizably my mom.... The sound and presence is still lingering.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

no more fear

“Waiting to develop courage is just another form of procrastination. The most successful people take action while they’re afraid!”  ~ Unknown‎

I've been taking action lately and it does dispel fear... eventually.  Facing our fears is the way to set ourselves free.

This week I had a colonoscopy scheduled.  They aren't pleasant for anyone, I know that, but for me it seemed even more personal.  Edd might still be with me now if he had gotten his when he turned 50.  As I lay on my hospital bed seemingly forever waiting for the doctor to arrive for his first patient of the day (me) the tears slipped from of my eyes... over and over again.  Try as I might to prevent them from coming, my efforts were in vain.   My whole body was racked with emotion as I thought about what he went though, what we went through together and how it all began....

Sensitive aren't I?  Yeah, I am.  I beat myself up.  I worry over things I can't control.  

But I'm also so so tired of suffering because of it.  Fear that is.   Fear of the future.  Fear of the consequences of others' decisions.  I think I've suffered enough.  I think I'll take back my power.  I think I'll face my fears and not let them handicap me and MY life.

I'm onto something.

Getting that test done was a start.  And today I continued with an X-ray of my wrist that has been painful for almost two months.  

Fear.  It can be a powerful and debilitating thing.  Especially for those with a predisposition for giving it too much ground in your life.  Maybe for those who have experienced too much of the harsher aspects of life.  But isn't that ALL of us at one time or another?   I believe it is.

Maybe I need to see myself as not so unique and grow some thicker skin.  But that would be rational.  And fear is often...  irrational.  

Yes, for sure.

So, I want to move on and LIVE.  Live and love well.  In spite of the torpedoes life  sometimes flings our way.  My way.  Your way.  Let's grab hold of life and run with it!

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” 

~Judy Blume

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

just do something

About a week ago before I got sidelined from about 50 chigger bites (but that's another story for another day) I cut down two trees that were growing very weirdly (is weirdly a word?) in my yard.  They were skinny and tall with all kinds of shoots springing up from the ground.   My dad said they grow that way because they are being crowded, dwarfed by larger trees.  They are reaching upward for the light and can't develop properly.  I cut them down using a tool that sliced into the many branches easily.  It took a while to do and I was left with a large pile of debris to get rid of.

As I sorted through the branches today cutting them into smaller pieces to bag them, I thought about the way we get things done.  Little by little.  Sometimes one tiny bit at a time.  Just moving forward one step, sometimes one inch at a time.

I've always seen parallels of my spiritual journey in the physical world.  And I'm most apt to recognize those parallels when I'm doing something physical by myself.  A big chore can seem like too much to handle until we break it down into parts.   What's important is that we begin.... and continue moving in the right direction.

So I began... and didn't intend to finish today, but I did.  My goal was to begin but once I did I just kept at it.

So my new motto is that everyday we can do something...  just a little bit to move forward.   Sometimes we finish a job.  Sometimes we just keep moving in the right direction because there is  no actual end to it even though much good can be accomplished along the way.  It can be anything done thoughtfully.

exercise a little more
eat a little healthier
pray a little more
be a little more compassionate
come closer to forgiving
rake a small pile of leaves, trim one bush
make the world a little more beautiful
call one person who is lonely
smile more often
laugh at someone's dumb joke
read something positive
walk a little quicker
encourage someone
listen a little longer
be a little more patient

This list could go on and on......

We all walk different paths and are on different journeys.  I've discovered we may really want to blaze a trail and yet things don't always go our way.  Someone can even walk down a certain path and have smooth sailing while another can travel the same path and have tons of adversity while doing it.  Why?  It's a mystery and life isn't always fair... and things happen.

So let it go and let God sort all that out.

Just do something every day.... to move in the right direction.

We'll get there... and do a lot of good along the way.