together

He filled the empty places I had. The places I didn't even realize were empty. My needs.

The need to be seen.  

The need to be loved.

The need to feel like a woman. And be wanted. Really feel wanted.

The need to be heard. And feel like someone really "got" me. Understood me. Heard me.

He was always in charge. Wanting to lend a hand.  Planning. Always planning.

The happiest times were when we did things TOGETHER.  Cooked dinner together. Went on a walk together. Had coffee together. Drank wine together. Went out to dinner together.....

I remember one wonderful dinner out he told me he used to have a recurring dream for many years before we met.    He dreamed that he was out to dinner with a wonderful woman. They were having a conversation that gave him happiness. It was fun and completely enjoyable and satisfying.  Fulfilling. He said this dream would come back to him over and over.... But he could never see the woman's face.   He always wanted a woman he could really talk to... and just enjoy BEING with.  And then he met me.

And he never had the dream again.

He looked me in the eye and said I was the woman....in his dream.

I'm glad of that.

a good day

Tears come easily to me these days. Sometimes they come unexpectedly. The richness of life speaks to me and breaks me. The smallest of conversations are triggers. Things extra ordinary.

Like a simple text message exchange.

Edd: My lunch is excellent! (the one I made for him to bring to work today)

Me: Good! Love you! I am cleaning house. Nicky is in the sunshine on the steps outside our bedroom. I went to see Gracie and Cooper too.

Edd : It's a good day!

Me: Yes it is.

Truth be told, we know many not-so-good days.  Days full of painful thoughts and feelings. Talking about things we wish we didn’t have to.   Yet we still marvel at how lucky, how blessed, we are to have each other.

~

Conversation today after laughing and joking in the drive-thru of Whataburger at how slow the service was:

Me: We sure have fun together don't we?

Edd: Yes, we do. I enjoy being with you more than anyone else. With all the time we spend together. Still. I think that is a rare and wonderful thing.

I do too.

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. --Thornton Wilder

Handbook for a Happy Life

Sometimes you read something that really clicks with you and you want to shout YES!! This did it for me today and I just want to post it and have it saved and ... remember...


Handbook for a Happy Life

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

5. Make time to pray.

6. Play more games

7. Read more books than you did last year.

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day

9. Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.



Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or worry about things you cannot control.

13. Don't over do it. Know your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake.

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind or be reminded. That will ruin the present.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Life is a school and you are here to learn lessons that last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

25. You don't have to attend every argument that you are invited to...



Society:

25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will.. Stay in touch.



Life:

32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. GOD heals everything.

35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37. The best is yet to come.

38. When you awake alive in the morning, realize God is not finished with you.

*

Thoughts on happiness and being real

There is never an end to advertisements. TV, movies, magazines, radio, billboards... Celebrities, actors, retailers selling this and telling us what we NEED to have value. To feel good about ourselves. To be accepted. To be happy. To keep up with the latest things. Advertising is designed to keep us wanting more and more and be dissatisfied with what we have.

Happiness is something we are always looking for as though it's a destination and once we get there we will have arrived! Many people feel this time of the year that if their homes and lives don't resemble a Currier and Ives Christmas card or some other ideal then they have reason to be dissatisfied or even depressed during the holidays. I've found that life is too unpredictable for happiness to be a destination because when we find it, it inevitably disappears or changes. I believe happiness comes in little snippets in our lives. We can live in a way which brings happiness. We can choose to do what makes us happy (like having a peanut butter cookie!). We can choose NOT do what does NOT make us happy (like eating a whole DOZEN peanut butter cookies!). It doesn't have to do with a bunch of "stuff". In fact, a bunch of "stuff" can make us very unhappy as it clutters up our thinking, our lives, and homes! I recently heard happiness described as "small rather than big, and always closer than you think." I liked that.


It's as simple as enjoying a warm fire or reading a good book. It's the joy we get from making healthy choices for ourselves or doing a kind deed for someone else. It's cleaning the clutter off the kitchen counter or putting on comfortable shoes. It's breaking that bad habit. It's seeing progress being made or learning something new. It's cleaning out that closet or getting rid of things weighing you down. It's sitting down with someone you love and really listening or giving (or receiving) a hug. It's incorporating as many of these things into our lives that we can.... It's NOTICING. It's appreciating. It's slowing down or stopping long enough to think about life a little deeper than just the next thing we can do to please ourselves. Doing the right thing. None of these things carry a price tag.

Some things in life are meant to be endured. No one is exempt from all suffering. Pain is part of being human. Wrong choices bring consequences that can be uncomfortable and yet, we HAVE to go outside of our comfort zone if we are going to grow and have a character that is of any worth. I'm beginning to believe that's why so many people have such weak characters today. They are only wanting to be comfortable and do what makes them feel good... having personal happiness to be their ultimate goal in life. Gaining "happiness" at the expense of growing in character and being real is not going to ultimately bring what we are seeking.

On a slightly different topic, I had an interesting talk with someone this week that has stuck with me. We were discussing how Facebook and social networks can be a double-edged sword. He said that it's a wonderful place for the exchange of ideas and interacting with genuine people, but it is no substitute for real life. He said "I'm not always the smiling guy in my picture and copying and pasting a Tolstoy quote doesn't mean I read War and Peace." Good point. I like to be inspired and getting out of my own little world sometimes...but mostly I like "real". I think we can be real... and be happy too.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. -- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Just a few somewhat disjointed thoughts....