Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Yesterday I was musing about how I define good days differently than I used to. These days a good day is one that doesn't include bad news or a crisis of some kind.

Ordinary is good. 

Today Edd found out his company is being bid for in a hostile takeover. Many questions arise because of it. Questions involving job, healthcare, disability insurance. Issues that are pretty important to one with serious health concerns. The day also included going for another brain MRI to see what, if any, changes have occurred since Edd's last one.  Doesn't make for a simple ordinary day.  Trying to stay positive and hopeful is a challenge. But we do.  Edd commented this afternoon, "We sure don't live the life of other couples who come home from work at the end of the day and ask each other, 'So how was your day today?'"

Maybe I just THINK other people live like that. Others may not have the same challenges we do, but no one is immune from struggles. Some people even suffer disproportionally to their smaller trials. 

No, I still haven't learned to fully rest. I still stress and fret. Sometimes it feels like not knowing how to swim and struggling to keep your head above water.  We sometimes panic before realizing we can just FLOAT for a while.  Maybe faith is a little like that. Knowing how to float and waiting, trusting that it will be okay in the end.

"When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly." 
— Edward Telle

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

random doggy-isms

If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
"You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My God, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!'"
- Dave Barry Old dogs, like old shoes, are comfortable. They might be a bit out of shape and a little worn around the edges, but they fit well.   Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive."
- Gilda Radner
If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't either.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. If you want the best seat in the house ... move the dog.
If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives."
- Sue Murphy
Nicky… 14 years old this month.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

a little at a time

I’ve been watching this $26 million dollar project for months… years really. It’s amazing to me how these enormous bridges and flyovers can be built by humans.  The engineering is beyond my comprehension and I stand (or sit in my car) in awe as I see the progression … a little bit at a time.

interstate 35 close

But it’s coming along… and when it’s finished it will add four new ramps connecting a busy Ben White Boulevard to Interstate 35 cutting out a lot of traffic in growing Austin.  Just a huge project.

As I drove through this construction area, almost daily for a while, I saw material weighing many tons.  How it gets moved into various places so perfectly is quite a task. Each time I look there is more roadway stretching way over my head.  Hard to believe cars and trucks will drive way up there to avoid stop–and-go traffic below.  It boggles my mind and amazes me what can be done in time… when we are consistent…. when we move forward… a little bit at a time…  day after day after day getting closer to the goal.

If these workers stopped, just gave up, because they saw the enormity of the work before them… if they got discouraged and impatient at the slow progress …  we’d never see the completed work or benefit from the accomplishment. 

I found myself thinking about this while stopped at a red light recently with all the activity going on around me.  It gave me insight and encouragement for my own life.  I couldn’t help but see the comparison. Sometimes progress in our lives seems painstakingly slow. 

But the important thing is to keep  moving forward. Never give up. Someday you’ll get there. 

Losing that weight, getting in shape, finishing that education, finishing that project or book, saving money for that desired thing… house, car… whatever it is… working toward your goal.  The only way to ensure not getting there is if we quit.  If we quit trying.

I don’t want aspects of my life to look like these bridges forever, only half finished.  I know there are things I may be working on until I die, but I WILL keep moving forward.  Only then can I have the hope of getting there!  I want to remember that every day. 

Shortsighted means unable to see distant objects clearly.  Lacking foresight or scope.  I really need to be more goal oriented and not get impatient with the day to day.  I could really benefit from concentrating on the big picture more and not getting so lost in the details.

I-35 weekend closure

These flyovers are supposed to be finished by September.  Right now they are ahead of schedule.  I doubt I’ll ever be able to pass by or ride over these bridges without thinking how great things can be accomplished by moving forward a little bit at a time.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

things to remember on the tough days

Prayer is a comfort. Be honest with God how you feel.
A friend or loved one is just a phone call away.
Many have gone through the same thing. You really aren't alone.
Rest and a good night's sleep will help. Take good care of yourself.
Nourish your body. Don't give in to the temptation to eat a lot of "comforting" crap.  It will make you feel worse.
Crying was designed to release grief and pain. Let it out.
If possible take time for a bubble bath.  It is luxurious and healing to the spirit.
Become a better person not bitter.
Sometimes we just need to wait out the storm.  Things change.  Nothing stays the same forever.

"Toss your dashed hopes not into a trash bin but into a drawer where you are likely to rummage some bright morning." ~Robert Brault


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

body image

I’m beginning to feel more comfortable with being average. This weekend as I scanned the magazines in the grocery store, I found myself a bit overwhelmed (disgusted maybe?) with the amount of magazines with women on the covers with “rock hard” bodies. Nothing new I know, but sheesh… enough already!

Be thin. Flat Abs. Tight tush fast! Bikini body now! So many are having electrifying sex too and if we only knew the right moves we’d be able have electrifying sex every night! Only women read these magazines. Men don’t care. Just showing up and getting naked is all men care about. Really.
Anyway. I digress.

I am hearing more and more lately that women with curves are becoming more popular. I’m not talking about overly FAT women. Just not skinny with boyish figures as we have been seeing for years now. The average body is size 12-14 so many of us feel most of the time like we are way too fat or just don’t measure up.

I kind of feel bad that much of my life has been spent not enjoying food very much because I’ve felt guilty for eating something “bad”. I’ve been beating myself up for years. Magazines with scantily clad women showing off their skinny selves have little value except to make us feel like we are somehow not good enough as we are. I know the female body sells magazines, but I just wish it wasn’t so.

I am hearing more and more about curvy women though and I’m encouraged that our ideas about beauty and health are slowly changing. Trends do change over time. Being healthy doesn’t necessarily mean skinny. I watched an interesting segment on Rachael Ray today that demonstrated how fitness and health doesn’t always have to do with your size.

I've spent too much time stressing about my body and not celebrating all it does to serve me. It may not be the fashion magazine's standard of perfection, but I don't want to condemn it anymore. I want to have a healthy balance of enjoying life and nourishing my body with healthy food and exercise. I don't think we should ever "let ourselves go" but concentrating too much on the outside and not enough on our inside (character) is a bad use of our time.

So I will be happy every day with a body that works well...and strive to treat it well in return.
Now for a glass of wine to celebrate!


Most of the time I’m pretty good at resting and trusting and just leaving the hard things to understand to God.  I know life is not fair.  But I have a strong need to actually SEE justice every now and then.

Yeah, I’m the type who does like to see someone getting pulled over who has been driving very recklessly.  I like to see the police actually catch someone red-handed.  We all see people day in and day out getting away with criminal behavior… and I am not against MERCY and GRACE…  but when the lack of justice and punishment begins to get too out of balance… I get terribly discouraged.  And sometimes downright depressed.

Today, Casey Anthony, who allegedly murdered her little daughter, was declared Not Guilty in a case that has dominated the media for months.  Who knows what the jurors based their decision on… Supposedly the evidence. But who covers up an accident to look like murder as the defense says? Any rational mind believes she killed her daughter.  If she DIDN’T, Who did??  Same as in the O.J. Simpson trial… If not O.J?…. Who?  The only counts Anthony was found guilty of were for providing false information to investigators looking into the June 2008 disappearance of her daughter. The child's body was found in the woods six months later and a medical examiner was never able to determine how she died.

I must say, if my child was missing I wouldn’t be providing false information as to where she was.  It wouldn’t have taken a month to even REPORT her disappearance!   SO, SO SAD.

Justice.  I think we all have a need to see it.  To see good win out over evil.  To see good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people.   I know I do.  

I don’t expect to see justice fully on earth, but I sure would like to see it a little bit more from time to time.

Saturday, July 2, 2011


When I first began this blog a few years ago I envisioned it as a place I could reminisce. Or a place I could just speak what was on my heart and mind at the time.   It has been that.
I'd like to reminisce more. So I will.
I had a wonderful friend in Georgia named Kathy Wilkinson about twenty years ago.  Sadly, I have lost touch with her but I just loved her so. She had a sweet way about her and was such an insightful and deep soul.  Her daughter, Audrey, and my two daughters, Kristen and Jenni, spent some fun times together. She lost a brother at an early age and would sometimes tell stories she remembered about him. I would listen attentively because her stories were always worthwhile and full of significant lessons about life.  She said that when we speak of those we love who are apart from us it's like a little visit with them and it brings them closer...and it feels GOOD. It satisfies our soul to remember.....  I always remembered that.
I was reminiscing tonight about my first date with Edd.  We had been communicating for a few months through email and talked on the phone and that all went very well but knew we needed to take the plunge and see if there was a spark in real life. We were in some ways afraid that if we met it would spoil the satisfying connection we had created.
Still. We had to go forward and see....
Edd picked the place. We met at the Gristmill in Gruen.  He was waiting, having gotten there first. We kept in touch through our cell phones and as he waited for me to appear he got a little nervous when he saw a very overweight, somewhat unattractive woman approaching with her phone held to her ear. Surely this wasn't Kathi he thought... He had seen my picture but was unsure.... and a bit alarmed.... Then he locked onto another woman with her phone up to her ear.  It was me.  And he said later he was VERY pleased.
It was a fun night that began with a glass of Riesling (me) and a Scotch (him). The conversation came easily and was never one-sided. It was give and take, neither dominating... both really listening and each fully engaged.  That first meeting produced no warning signals, alarming revelations, or un-comfortableness. Just ease and peace.

We found a soul-mate. And it would only get better with time. How can we be anything but grateful?