Tuesday, March 27, 2012

My hero

Edd and I had a very special love. We GOT each other. We knew what the other's heart really needed. We knew how to fill the empty places.

I learned so much from him. His quiet yet enormous strength was a constant inspiration to me yet broke my heart at the same time... wishing so much that he didn't have to be so strong. I tried hard to take the sting out of life's blows for him time and time again, but I couldn't fix this. I couldn't take it away. I couldn't make it better. Some things weren't meant to be.

Through his actions I witnessed courage and grace and dignity and humility and strength. I can only hope I will have a fraction of the character qualities he exhibited. He was the man who made me feel safe and cherished. He was and will always be my hero.

I lost him today. It still doesn't feel real. I am afraid to think how I'll feel when it does. Because now I am missing him and my heart is completely broken...


  1. My deepest Sympathy for your loss, and yours and Edd's family... You will meet again one day, of that I am sure... God Bless and Keep You...

    A poem read at my Mother's graveside service, and one of my favorites...

    Do not stand at my grave and weep

    Do not stand at my grave and weep
    I am not there. I do not sleep.
    I am a thousand winds that blow.
    I am the diamond glints on snow.
    I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
    I am the gentle autumn rain.
    When you awaken in the morning's hush
    I am the swift uplifting rush
    Of quiet birds in circled flight.
    I am the soft stars that shine at night.
    Do not stand at my grave and cry;
    I am not there. I did not die.
    Mary Elizabeth Frye

  2. Kathi...oh dear one...I wish I had the right words but there aren't any. I know your heart is breaking, all I can do is send my love and prayers.

    Please know you are in my thoughts often.
    Much love...

  3. Kathi-

    I've read your blog many times and wanted to leave a post but could never figure out how to do so until today. I found your blog through your beautiful daughter Jenni's blog and have followed your journey the past few months with Edd. I'm so sorry for your loss. It was evident through reading your post, that your love for Edd was like a fairy tale and you had an appreciation for him that most people quickly lose in their marriage. I've admired your strength and honesty as you dealt with each day of cancer. I recently shared the site with my aunt, who's husband was just diagnosed with brain cancer and given only a few months to live. I thought she would find solace by reading the emotions and issues that you've managed the past few months. I'm praying that God will wrap his loving arms around you and give you peace during this difficult time. Healing takes time. Give yourself the space you need to heal, but look forward to the strength that God will give you to get through each day and you find a new normal.


  4. I am so sorry for your loss. I have been following your blog for some time and have been praying for your family. May the Lord give you strength and courage to face each day during this difficult time.

  5. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I found your blog through your daughter Jenni's blog - and my heart just breaks for your family. May you find strength in your memories and the love you have for each other. You are in my prayers.

  6. I am so very sorry for you loss and the loss that your family is feeling. May you find comfort in the precious memories you have of your time spent together and may our heavenly Father hold you close.

    I am praying for you.

  7. Praying for your broken heart. Love you friend. <3

  8. I am truly sorry for your loss Kathi, praying for you both!

  9. Prayers go out to you and your family. Your and Edd's love was and is inspiring and I am so thankful for you sharing your story with us. So sorry for your loss, but so happy for you and your family and the time you all had together with him!

  10. Dearest Kathi...
    Praying soooo much for you right now.

  11. My heart breaks for you, I also read Jenni's post, you two (and your family) both endured so much loss yesterday. Praying for you!!!!

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  13. Dear Kathi - we've never met, yet I feel that you're a dear friend. I'm so sorry for the loss of your best friend, your hero. My heart and prayers are with you, and you will hopefully feel all of the many loving thoughts sent your way. I'll leave you with 3 quotes that are my favorites:

    I'm not going to die.
    I'm going home like a shooting star.
    - Sojourner Truth

    Happiness is a form of courage. - Holbrook Jackson

    Ring the bells that still can ring;
    Forget your perfect offering.
    There is a crack in everything.
    That's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen

    Courage my dear sister. You can do this. Let your light shine.

  14. Kathi,
    I am so very sorry. You all have been in my prayers for months. Over Christmas we lost my uncle to liver/lung cancer, so unfortunately our family knows what you all are going through. Know that you are in my prayers.

    "Ironically, the first to accept God's decision of death is the one who dies. While we are shaking our heads in disbelief, they are lifting hands in worship. While we are mourning at the grave, they are marveling at Heaven. While we are questioning God, they are praising God."


  15. Kathi, I am shocked and so, so sorry to read this. Even though I've followed your posts for quite some time, I just didn't realize the time was so near. I have no special words, other than to tell you I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will continue blogging, because it will most assuredly be strengthening for you. Your love for Edd was/is so beautiful and I know that is something that will live with you forever.

  16. My heart breaks to read this post, Kathi. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please know that I am thinking of you all and keeping you in my heart and prayers.


  17. Praying for you. Edd is at peace and there is Joy knowing he is free from pain. My heart hurts for you. His /your love was a blessing. I know you will cherish the memories. Please know that I care and I am praying always.