I just dropped Dad off at the airport after being with him for two weeks.
He is alone a lot. Actually he is alone all the time. Since mom died over four years ago he's lived by himself and it's not easy to visit given the distance. But I've done it numerous times and do the best I can.
I've made many trips out to see him and a few times he has traveled back with me to my home. Like this time. The times I have tried to plan a trip for him to travel on his own have not worked out. He is just not able to travel by himself anymore and planning a trip for him alone is pretty much setting him up to fail.... He's 85 and I feel very protective of him.
The last few trips I've noticed a pattern. When we are together initially he wants to talk about the same things. Things that bother him. Things that make him angry and confused and resentful. Like the fact that his brother never spread his wings but spent all his years under his parents' roof, never making an independent life of his own. Like the fact that he was not included in is parents' will. Things that have really hurt him.....I understand .... yet it's still hard to listen to it again and again.... He's a good man and doesn't understand why people do some of things they do.... but none of us do at times...
But then... after a while... slowly.... he begins to enter life again... he gets it out of his system and starts seeing people living and joins in. It's sooooo hard though. The woman he shared his days with, the love of his life, for over 60 years is gone.
Dad was (is) the epitome of loyal. To his wife. To his family. He worked a job faithfully and didn't ask much for himself. His wants were simple. A home. A good meal. A place of belonging. A job to do. Work to accomplish.
He was the man who brought his lunch to work every day in a brown bag. A sandwich. Maybe ham and cheese. Maybe peanut butter and jelly. He said others would go out to eat each day or bring restaurant food back to the office to eat but he didn't mind his brown bag lunch. He saved a lot of money that way he said. Of course mom would make it for him... and for him it was enough....
The things he'd do for his little family.... I recognize now.....they were simple... and yet enormous.
His humility and lack of entitlement is rare and really humbles me... and makes me see so much of our world and the things that others value as being so very shallow.....
I dropped him off at the airport today to make his way back to Oregon. These days you never know whether it will be the last time. He's confident as he walks away.... but also frail and needy. This trip, as easy as I have tried to make it for him, will be hard for him at times. I wish I was with him... just to be at his side to offer support.
But I'm only one person and have limitations myself.... I can't do all I might like to.
While he was here he just fit into the tapestry of my life and home. He came down early for coffee and breakfast. We went out for lunch sometimes and a few other outings. He met his two great granddaughters for the first time and got re-acquainted with his granddaughters.
He said he was so glad he came... to see them... to make the trip before maybe he couldn't anymore... He said he takes each day one at a time....
It was hard to see him go.... knowing he'd be alone again.....
I do what I can... and pray God will take it and make it enough.
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| Dad and Jenni |
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| Kristen, Jenni, Dad and baby Paislee (Jenni brought everyone out for ice cream) |
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| Pippa, me and Dad |
