I'm a bit of a worrier. Maybe not more than most people but I admit it goes way back.
I think I wrote about this before but I remember being in kindergarten and not wanting to go to school and be away from my mother. I was afraid I'd get sick and she wouldn't be there. Every day before I left the house and walked down our long driveway to the bus stop I would ask her a question.
"Am I going to be okay today?" I'd say.
"Yes, you are going to be okay" she'd reply.
That's all I needed to hear and I knew I'd be alright. My mom's words proclaimed it. God forbid I forgot to ask her. I did forget once and had a fretful day thinking the worst would happen! I told her I never wanted to forget to ask her again and she replied, "Well this is for all the times you forget to ask me. You will be okay on those days too. This will cover all those times in the future. Just in case. Remember. You will be okay."
I had a good mom. A wise mom. A mom who wanted me to feel safe
and loved... and okay. More than okay.
This week as I inwardly fretted about this or that I had a revelation and began to laugh out loud. I even spoke out loud to no one in particular although Norman seemed to be amused.
"Mom, that is why I am worried all the time! You are not here to tell me
everything will be okay! It's your fault I'm such a worrier!"
But no, she told me her blessing spread into the future. It gave me joy to think of this and to remember the little five-year-old girl who needed her mother's reassurance.
Memories. Aren't they great? Good ones anyway.
I wish for others a stable place. A place of peace. A place to feel safe. Even during some of
my darkest days I have been able to find that safe place.
She said I will be okay... and she is right.