me

Ever see a picture of yourself and just want to say "Ewww" or something equivalent?

I do.

Are my wrinkles showing? Are the dark circles especially dark today? Are my lips and hairline and eyebrows thinning? How about that double chin and neck?

I remember my mom receiving a new driver's license photo one year and expressing her displeasure in it. Afterwards she said that probably 15 years down the road she would think it was pretty good.

How true.

This is me, today, now.... and it's okay. More than okay really.

Embrace who you ... we are all just fine.

yearnings

Sometimes I stumble upon a quote that fits exactly how I feel. 

But sometimes there are none.... and our own words, our own voice, our own expression is what we need to work on .... and figure out. 

To think and mediate and work to understand what's unique to us, discover where our own heart is, and what our soul is yearning for... and what our needs are at the moment.

Is it peace? It is safety? Is it reassurance? Is it connection? Is it rest? Is it trust? Is it faith?

I yearn for healing in the world. I yearn for people to be whole. I yearn for myself to be whole. I yearn for a way to communicate love when I fail so often. I yearn for a way to make a difference and be a force for good ....but I often fall short. I sometimes mess things up even though I have the best of intentions. 

But for now I just feel sad. 

I've lived long enough to realize that the sad will pass. It comes and it goes. We can count on life's ebbs and flows as much as anything in this world. It's a sure thing. Keeping our balance during the changes is the challenge. Especially when a wave hits you and knocks you senseless for a little while.

So, we do what we can, love with all of our heart, but also be true to ourselves, and not set our own self on fire to keep someone else warm... meaning.... take care of yourself too.

Today

Ahhh. I did some stretching yoga today, two sessions on my favorite DVD, and also 30 minutes on my elliptical machine at home. It felt sooo good. I found that I didn't struggle as much so that tells me my muscles have made some progress and my strength has improved. Little steps in the right direction. That's the way to go, right?

Gosh I can be lazy though.

Sigh. I fell "in like" with a house that I seriously imagined myself moving into after going to see it with my realtor last weekend ....but it suddenly went off the market before the open house with a pending offer. I seriously need to downsize and find something more "me". One floor. Less yard maintenance. Less tax burden. I will find it. Although I am so grateful with all I have, I'm feeling less and less like this house is a future home for me.

Maybe I shouldn't, but I'm enjoying some FitVine Chardonnay now.  It's a wine lower in sugar and calories that I found. I was not impressed with the Cabernet Savignon but the Chardonnay is pretty good. I would buy it again.

I am grateful and at peace and content right now.....even though there are numerous reasons why I might let the circumstances around me ruin all that. It's always the struggle to live and let live.

Hope you, whomever might read this, let yourself be at peace too, no matter what the circumstances. If you are in that place, we could seriously be friends.

needed change

I have needed motivation. I've been feeling old and out of shape. I have put too much weight on these aging bones and joints and I know it. I feel it. The scale has been inching up again.

But it stops now. I have a plan. And it includes healthy diet, new recipes, PORTION CONTROL, mindfulness, and exercise. And I'm making it a priority, not an afterthought.

For the last few days I've decided to reign it all in and do what is good for me. I have become lazy and full of excuses. But I've run out of excuses or else they're just not working for me anymore!

The only way to get where you want to be is to change something you do daily. What is your daily routine? How is it not working for you?

I know I have to make some changes, but I also know I can't deprive myself of certain food groups. I have to make mealtime enjoyable. Eating well is a form of self respect. I've made realistic goals. One is to create healthy habits not restrictions, although that includes portion control. It takes time to get where you want to be and I'm realizing what an impatient person I am.  So.... I have a plan.

I have a plan to lose one pound a week. If it's more than that fine, but my goal is one pound. If I do that for 20 weeks, I'll lose the 20 pounds I want to. Sound simple? Sound easy? It's only as simple or easy as I make it.

For some people motivational quotes get old, but for me they often keep me going. A word aptly spoken cuts to the quick and can change my perspective in an instant.

So here are the things I'm going to dwell on and remember.

First and foremost FOOD IS FUEL, NOT THERAPY!

Note to myself: When I eat like crap I feel like crap.

A little progress each day adds up to big results.

"What I know for sure is this: The big secret in life is that there is no big secret... There's just you, and this moment, and a choice." Oprah

Three months from now you'll thank yourself! And actually you'll thank yourself each day, because you'll feel better about the choices you're making.

Eat for the body you want, not the body you have. This doesn't just mean outward appearance. It means healthy organs and bones, and joints, and muscles. We only get one body to hold our spirit and soul. Treat it with care.

What have I done so far?

I made a chart. I'll weigh myself every Friday. One pound a week. Very doable. Sticking with a 1200 calorie diet.

I signed up to receive meals from HelloFRESH. The portions are large. One can easily be halved and eaten for another mealtime. But I keep track of all calories. HelloFRESH is just for fun and convenience and to give me good ideas, not to purchase all the time.

I'm looking at websites and InstaAcounts that have great ideas and motivation and recipes.

I've exercised. Walking is one of the best for me right now. I've walked for an hour the last few days. When I set out I didn't have any expectations, just to walk. The more I walked the more I WANTED to walk. If I have too high of expectations for myself I am less inclined to begin.... so I'm just concentrating on BEGINNING. I read that "If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward."

I must say that I haven't figured anything out yet. I'm on a journey and it's not a sprint to get and stay in shape. All great achievements require time. Mostly, the people who look like they have it all together are not even close to being motivating to me.  They are irritating. I guess I'm a bit rebellious.

So I am leaving myself with one more thought.

"Stop letting food (or anything) be the boss of you".