Christmas gifts

The greatest gifts of Christmas.  This year they'd be mostly intangible.  Oh, I know people say that and there are many gifts that don't have a price tag that others seem to value, but one month ago, I didn't know if I'd even be able to have a regular conversation with my husband again.  I wondered if he'd be able to walk or be able to do anything for himself.

We've been given the gift of some time.  And with time together there are lessons that I learn.  About life.  About myself.

I learn that love is often uncomfortable.  It is often hard work.  A family member of Edd's said to me over the weekend, "I am so impressed with you.  All that you do.  You've been given something you didn't sign up for."  I guess none of us really know what we are signing up for when we take those vows "till death do us part".  Do we?

I learn that some things relating to humility and innocence bring me to a weak and vulnerable place and just break my heart.  Like when I see Edd unable to do something very simple... and he's confused...  But thankfully he seems to be unconcerned and peaceful.  I'm glad of that.  I'm learning and experincing a level of compassion I didn't know existed.

We watched Meet Joe Black this afternoon.  Hoo boy.  Some scenes, especially those between Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins, were hard for me to watch.  Some dialogues brought on the waterworks.

Joe Black: I don't care Bill. I love her. 
William Parrish: How perfect for you - to take whatever you want because it pleases you. That's not love. 
Joe Black: Then what is it? 
William Parrish: Some aimless infatuation which, for the moment, you feel like indulging - it's missing everything that matters. 
Joe Black: Which is what? 
William Parrish: Trust, responsibility, taking the weight for your choices and feelings, and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love. 
Joe Black: So that's what love is according to William Parrish? 
William Parrish: Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I'm talking about. 

I was given beautifully wrapped gifts that mean a lot too.  Things I can hold in my hand.  The date book I wanted.  The angel ornaments.  The beautiful flower arrangement.  Other things I treasure because they were thoughtfully and lovingly given.  They mean a lot because of the giver's love.

As the day ends, I am luxoriously exhausted and can't wait to slip into warm PJ's and then into my comfy bed and think on the many blessings I DO have.  Life is bittersweet.  Without deep love there'd be no real grief at its loss.  I'm thankful for all the love in my life.