Wednesday, August 20, 2014

evening thoughts

Life and all that swirls around us can seem so complicated sometimes.  Relationships, politics, world events, tragedies, who said what and why, intentions, motives, misunderstandings, assumptions, etc, etc.... When I find myself fretting that's when I need to put all these things in a big ol' pile and label it... "Things to give to God"  … I find such peace in being able to give Him all my pondering and the questions with unknown answers … and leave the mysteries of life in His hands.

This seeker doesn't have to know everything.  Not now.  I just have to do my part.  As much as I'm able I have to make one good choice after another.  Every time there is one to make.  Every day.

I was given a gift today.  A good friend told me what he valued most in a person.  Sweetness  ... and said that I exuded it.

Now I don't feel like I exude sweetness, but you know what?  If someone can see a quality of goodness in me I am happy with that.  I know it's only because of what I've been through and things I have learned.  You see... trials can make you hard or they can make you more present to life and what is most important.  They can make you put aside pride and ego and just let yourself be compassionate toward others.  Others who may not even deserve it.  I feel I've been through the fire and I am content that God knows and cares about my heart and the me that has traveled down my own unique road.  He knows all my thoughts and intentions.  I know I belong.

When Edd died ... and when my mom died... I lost the mirror I looked into to see the best parts of myself… the parts others who loved me best chose to see… a place I'd go for validation and worth.  Though in many real ways I still feel their love, I'm thankful for people who are still in my life who share what they see and have the kindness to tell me the good stuff.  We all need to know. 

“And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!” And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.” —IAIN THOMAS

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