Thoughts on happiness and being real

There is never an end to advertisements. TV, movies, magazines, radio, billboards... Celebrities, actors, retailers selling this and telling us what we NEED to have value. To feel good about ourselves. To be accepted. To be happy. To keep up with the latest things. Advertising is designed to keep us wanting more and more and be dissatisfied with what we have.

Happiness is something we are always looking for as though it's a destination and once we get there we will have arrived! Many people feel this time of the year that if their homes and lives don't resemble a Currier and Ives Christmas card or some other ideal then they have reason to be dissatisfied or even depressed during the holidays. I've found that life is too unpredictable for happiness to be a destination because when we find it, it inevitably disappears or changes. I believe happiness comes in little snippets in our lives. We can live in a way which brings happiness. We can choose to do what makes us happy (like having a peanut butter cookie!). We can choose NOT do what does NOT make us happy (like eating a whole DOZEN peanut butter cookies!). It doesn't have to do with a bunch of "stuff". In fact, a bunch of "stuff" can make us very unhappy as it clutters up our thinking, our lives, and homes! I recently heard happiness described as "small rather than big, and always closer than you think." I liked that.


It's as simple as enjoying a warm fire or reading a good book. It's the joy we get from making healthy choices for ourselves or doing a kind deed for someone else. It's cleaning the clutter off the kitchen counter or putting on comfortable shoes. It's breaking that bad habit. It's seeing progress being made or learning something new. It's cleaning out that closet or getting rid of things weighing you down. It's sitting down with someone you love and really listening or giving (or receiving) a hug. It's incorporating as many of these things into our lives that we can.... It's NOTICING. It's appreciating. It's slowing down or stopping long enough to think about life a little deeper than just the next thing we can do to please ourselves. Doing the right thing. None of these things carry a price tag.

Some things in life are meant to be endured. No one is exempt from all suffering. Pain is part of being human. Wrong choices bring consequences that can be uncomfortable and yet, we HAVE to go outside of our comfort zone if we are going to grow and have a character that is of any worth. I'm beginning to believe that's why so many people have such weak characters today. They are only wanting to be comfortable and do what makes them feel good... having personal happiness to be their ultimate goal in life. Gaining "happiness" at the expense of growing in character and being real is not going to ultimately bring what we are seeking.

On a slightly different topic, I had an interesting talk with someone this week that has stuck with me. We were discussing how Facebook and social networks can be a double-edged sword. He said that it's a wonderful place for the exchange of ideas and interacting with genuine people, but it is no substitute for real life. He said "I'm not always the smiling guy in my picture and copying and pasting a Tolstoy quote doesn't mean I read War and Peace." Good point. I like to be inspired and getting out of my own little world sometimes...but mostly I like "real". I think we can be real... and be happy too.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. -- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Just a few somewhat disjointed thoughts....

Taking care of ME!

I was a good girl last week. I was an even better girl this week. You see last week I made MYSELF a doctor's appointment for a physical. And this week I actually WENT!! Got lots of needed tests done, blood work, mammogram ... and found out some things about ME (I am in the menopausal stage. Duh, no kidding! Tell me something I DON'T know). I am one of those typical women who for years has concentrated on caring for everyone else and not made myself and my own health a priority. You know the type. The type who worries about everyone else. One of the forms listed many questions to answer about my health such as whether I smoked, drank alcohol, was ever pregnant, etc. The last question on the page was "Any other bad habits?" I wanted to write "There isn't enough room here to list all of them!" but that would really be an exaggeration because I'm just pretty normal. I could have written... "major procrastinator when it comes to making doctor appointments"... That would be more accurate.

I may have turned over a new leaf though because it really does feel GOOD to learn about yourself and take care of your body! I found out that the pain I experience all the time in my neck and shoulder and back isn't all related to stress like I wanted to think (if that's not bad enough). There is a reason for my frequent headaches! Normally we should have a c-curve in our neck... mine is straight right now. Straightening of my cervical spine is what's been causing the pain... Bad car accident 25 years ago? Repetitive movements? Stress? Spasms? Whatever the cause. It's been getting worse for a long time.

BUT... and it's a wonderful but.... the doctor said I need physical therapy. I went for my first appointment today and didn't know what to expect. Would they just teach me some exercises and send me on my way? (hope not) Would they tell me I had to sleep with traction? Would they tell me I had to wear a neck brace?

My excitement grew when I was lead into a warm, quiet room with a massage table and blankets. Yeah! Now we're talking!! As the massage therapist worked on my neck, shoulder and back I felt myself begin to heal. The trigger points were numerous and it was wonderful to get those areas worked on. The therapist used some interesting equipment that induced deep-layer muscle contractions. The sensation was strange at first since it was felt deep in the muscles in my neck and back but it soon lulled me nearly to sleep since I was left alone for about 20 minutes. Then came pulsed ultrasound therapy.... then massage. My neck feels better already!! Yay!

Do I really have to do this twice a week for a few months!! :-) Well, okay. If I HAVE to.

Desired things

I find this hauntingly beautiful.... words written long ago... but so meaningful for today.

Desiderata
-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Words from the past

I read over an old journal today. One I began over 20 years ago. In many ways I'm still the same. Still struggling with the same things...like in 1989 "many times I refuse to take the risk that's involved to wander out of my safe environment" or in 1997 "today was a difficult day. I'm feeling very dull and like I'm in a fog lately. I pray the Lord will give me a clear mind and thinking.... I cried today about...."

I've been journaling for a long time. Almost 20 years ago I wrote that I wanted to "write a little each day, so I can go back and remember the special memories that happen which may otherwise be forgotten".


I'm glad I have this journal. In some ways it's painful to look back and see what I was thinking about, agonizing over and trying so hard to understand. Because I wrote some things down I can be easily transported back in time to that exact place where I was. It's nice to know my motives were good as I sought God's help in everyday life. I wanted to do the right thing. Make things better. But I did discover that I just didn't have control over everything that happened. That was a bitter pill to swallow. I know I still wrestle with that.

One thing is evident. I did a lot of praying for my family. Why things broke down is a mystery to me. Why God didn't answer all my prayers is unknown. I do know God pulled me out of a very destructive place and plopped me down into a place where I feel safe. For that I'm grateful.

This journal reveals a lot. It speaks loudly of my hopes, and my prayers and my love for family and especially my daughters. It is clear where my heart was... If my love was ever doubted, these written words from the past would erase any uncertainty.

It's bittersweet to read over such wonderful times and also such painful times. Experience is still the best teacher so I will accept both as part of what has molded me into the me of today... The journey and molding continues.

The pursuit of joy

My husband spoke these words to me today. The pursuit of joy. He told me over dinner how he liked my pursuit of joy. Actually he said it after he asked me how my day was. I replied (rather slowly) that it was "okay". Usually I'll say, "I had a good day!" Today I just said it was okay. Pretty simple really but he sensed the difference in my countenance. It mattered to him. He is strengthened by me. By my joy. He relies on it. Truth be told I felt sadness today. Loss. I accomplished many chores. I got a lot done, but felt heaviness in my heart ... and it showed.

That simple exchange of words between us reminded me how much we can influence and impact one another by our attitudes and outlook. I'm reminded of the responsibility (I believe) that I have to bring my best to my relationships. I know we can't possibly be bubbling over all the time with happiness. We need to be honest in sharing how we feel and be able to express our sadness and struggles too. Especially with those we love. Life is hard and grief inevitably comes knocking ... but making a point to pursue joy is a lofty and honorable goal. Joy usually comes easily to me, but when it doesn't I can still pursue it. I know it makes a difference in my life and definitely in the lives of those I come into contact with. Especially my husband's.

Things that bring joy...
Smiles
A heart to heart conversation
A loving embrace
Sometimes a good cry
Random acts of kindness
Puppies... and my own sweet old tail-waggin' dog
Candles
Warm fireplace
Bubble baths (my jacuzzi!)
A back rub
A good book
Morning cup of coffee
Candlelight dinners
Making ordinary things into celebrations
Nature
Prayer
Snuggling
Clean sheets
Good music
Loving words
Encouragement
Gentle touches

“One joy shatters a hundred griefs”

“Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.”

A nice beginning to the holiday season

It was a nice, warm and cozy Thanksgiving. I did miss my daughters and other precious family members, but I don't expect perfection anymore. I try to just go with what is. I accept imperfect situations. Imperfect people. Imperfect ME. I continue to learn from others. I am learning from the journey I'm on. I am thankful for life. As it IS. I have little control over the things that happen around me... but my responses to what happen are mine. I will continue to strive to be a better ME! :-)



It's important to learn new things every day..... but it's also important to relearn something old! I was reminded over the weekend how I want to be others oriented. I think the way to show you care is to focus on others and not just your own problems. I see people who are very self absorbed... it's all about them and their small world. Always has been. Probably always will be. How thankful I am for examples I've had in my life of selfless people who have a genuine concern for the people in their lives. Oh, God, don't ever allow me to be so into myself that I don't reach out to someone else with concern, interest and love. I think of precious people in my family who look outward ... reaching out to others. To me. People who have always made me feel loved... and validated. They have cared. My brother Rick. Nancy. My parents.... Good examples. I'm not sure why I've thought of my immediate family so much this weekend, but I realized how much I appreciate the way they show love in a way I can relate to. Some people are just all about others... some people are all about themselves.

We came home from our Thanksgiving trip and I put my energy and efforts into decorating our 9-foot Christmas tree! Dragging out the Christmas decorations was even fun! I enjoyed pretty much every minute of it this year. It is beautiful and just came together perfectly! I bought a few new ornaments, but didn't have to spend a fortune. The "old" tree fit perfectly in the dining room too, so we have two Christmas trees decorated in the house this year.

My sweet husband went out this evening and brought home a delicious pizza and we enjoyed it with a nice cabernet sauvignon. It's a lovely evening at home. These are some of my simple thoughts and musings tonight as I sit in the living room .....surrounded by the beauty of hundreds of white lights, Christmas music freshly downloaded and playing from my ipod, and the warm glow of the fireplace. I am full of gratitude.

Peace. Be still. Enjoy. Live.

Tribute to an old dog

Some things in life aren't really appreciated until they are gone. How many times have we heard THAT! But I am living my life trying to focus each day on the things that mean the most to me. To live in the moment and reflect on those things in my life that are so much part of the landscape, part of my reality, without which my life would have a noticeably missing part. The obvious things include my husband (who means EVERYTHING to me), my daughters, my parents and family members. Friends. People I love. They are all supreme. To lose them would be to lose a part of myself.

But here's the thing. When you've had the same little dog frolicking around your home for the past 13 years, he leaves a mark very deep on your heart and in your soul. He is (almost) as much a part of the family as anyone else. A constant companion who never tires of wanting to be with you or do what you do or go where you go.

Every morning for 13 years he has greeted me in the morning. Tail wagging. Brown eyes locked onto my own looking for validation, a greeting, a kind word, a scratch on the head. A bundle of joy.

Nicky has been in our family since my daughters were 13 and 10 years old. Kind of old really to get their first dog, but before that we moved around a lot. Whatever the reasons for delay, we finally got Nicky because Jenni kept bugging us until we did! He was born the same day we arrived in Texas from Germany. Our new home in San Antonio would include a dachshund puppy who was born for us! I truly believe that. He moved into our home and into our hearts.

Now that he is older he is full of understanding. He's lived through 13 Christmases and knows that there is a present under the tree for him that he can open every year. He looks for it! Picks it out and opens it.

He knows if we put on our sneakers we will take him for a walk. He watches carefully to see what kind of shoes we put on which will determine what his morning will be like.

He watches me pour my morning coffee and then excitedly dances around me because he knows I will sit somewhere comfortable to drink it and he can lay next to me.



He sleepily walks to his bed the same time each night knowing he will be lovingly coaxed into bed under his blanket to sleep contentedly till he smells the coffee in the morning and sees the light seeping in under the door into his little room next to the kitchen.



He understands that suitcases mean someone is leaving and he begins to get anxious because his separation anxiety has increased dramatically over the years. He feels secure and happy when the pack is together, but gets concerned when we are not... and feels vulnerable. I think I understand that feeling too....



He LOVED to visit Austin when I was dating and later married Edd but was especially happy to go back home again to San Antonio where he had lived for 10 years. He knew the landscape. He knew every inch of the house and yard. When we eventually moved to Austin into a big and different home he felt lost for a while and scared. He clearly wanted to go back to his old house and would run to the car whenever I went anywhere in hopes that I'd bring him back "home". It took a while, but now he is happy, content and totally at home here. He routinely "sniffs me out". Being the hound dog that he is, he'll keep sniffing the ground till he finds me. There is always an excited recognition when he does!

He's been with me through good times and hard times. He has seen a lot. If he could talk I'm sure he'd tell us a thing or two. We can learn a lot from our pets and their habits but I think one of the most valuable lessons man has learned from his dog is to kick a few blades of grass over it and move on!

He's an old dog now. He doesn't hear very well and his eyes are growing dim. His fur is turning white but he still acts like a puppy much of the time (when he's not sleeping!). He has definitely earned respect, love, extra kindness, and extra attention. He has given us so much and only desired our companionship in return. Gilda Radner said, "I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive."

I wholeheartedly agree.

I've heard it said that until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.

He has been a great dog. Precious and sweet. How nice we've had him for so long and I hope we'll have him for years to come!

"Old dogs, like old shoes, are comfortable. They might be a bit out of shape and a little worn around the edges, but they fit well."
- Bonnie Wilcox 'Old Dogs, Old Friends'