There is something about a walk in the coolness of the day that brings to me fresh thinking and a clear stream of consciousness. I think I should bring a mini tape recorder with me to record my thoughts because later as I return to my journal I find the thoughts and ideas have vanished like waking from a dream. Such was my experience again this morning.
As I walked I thought of my fragile faith. There have been too many times when I have struggled to find God in the daily grind and my questions outnumber my answers. I thought I was doing my part...seeking, praying, listening, waiting..and yet nothing. Is that an element of faith? Believing even when everything seems dark? When you feel you're in a ship tossed about at night and your navigation system just isn't working?
As the wind pushed against me I was reminded how much more energy is needed when there is resistance. It's obviously easier to walk when the wind is at my back. We almost glide along. Such is life... We push forward in spite of the winds of fear, and our body's weaknesses. It’s nicer when you can go about your day without worry or fear or challenges. But that is not a life of purpose or growth or depth. It’s not how we increase our strength.
I find myself pondering what ifs…The “what ifs” that, if believed, would make life easier, the road less scary. Joy… if my faith were only stronger…. If I could just work out my salvation just a little bit more…..
What if the Bible, all of it, really IS true?
What if God really DOES love us, loves ME?
What if He will never leave me or forsake me?
What if He is preparing a place for me in heaven?
What if there really IS everlasting life?
What if we WILL really see our loved ones again and meet together at a huge banquet table?
What if we will really be where there is no more death or mourning or crying or pain when the old order of things has passed away?
What if God really DOES work all things together for good?
What if His eye really IS always on me… and He cares what I am going through?
What if God really did become man, Jesus, to show us what He was like and to die for our sins so we could live forever the way we were intended to?
I do think my small faith is at least as big as a mustard seed though so I hope God will honor that.