Oh, the things you experience .... the horror, the depth of insanity and fear, the hurt and sadness in your heart ... when you love someone who is addicted to drugs. They don't seem to have any idea how their actions hurt others... and that they are blocking the pain with their drug, but the person who is not using is standing helpless feeling it all.
If your expectation is to talk sensibly together you will be constantly disappointed. You won't even be able to comprehend the ridiculousness of what comes out of their mouths. The lies. The manipulations. It will make your head spin.
What hurts the most, is that you are forced to give up and let go. Because it is an illusion to think you are actually helping when you are not. The only one who can help the addict is themselves. They have to want something different. They have to want to get off the roller coaster. Stop hurting themselves and the innocent ones their lives touch.
But sometimes I don't think they want to change. They may not want some of the ugly consequences, but they really don't want to change or give up the drug.
And it breaks your heart.
It has broken mine.