one day at a time

It's been a rough few weeks.  After the cyberknife and continual chemo Edd's side effects were brutal.  His mouth sores were over-the-top severe and others got really bad too.  So much so that we called his mom to help and she came to visit from the Houston area.  He developed a sore (hematoma) on his abdomen that got bigger and bigger, needed surgery, and is now a large wound needing care. 

Went to the oncologist this a.m. and he'll stop chemo for a while.  The wound is beginning (fingers crossed) to heal.  I am doing the wound care… told the doctor there that I could get a job with them now!  … nice people… We have encountered wonderful people all along this journey.

I know we will need to stop chemo for good eventually.  For now though we take one day at a time.  We talked today about how even though it often feels like too hard a road to travel, God has also been beside us all the way.  It is interesting the way it has changed us. In some strange way I feel as though God is molding me and making me a better person though the experience.  It is also interesting the way I can go from a strong, pragmatic, courageous, intelligent in-charge woman ....  to a fearful, weak, totally-drained little girl who wants to cry and is unsure of what to do next.  One who has lost herself in all of this.  The little girl comes out every once in a while.  Most of the time I have confidence and a "one day at a time" attitude that serves me well.... and gives both of us strength.

But when the little girl needs to come out... I let her.