Tuesday, November 5, 2013

ever changing

Just got back from another trip to the Oregon Coast.  It hasn't changed too dramatically since the first time I went out there.  The Pacific ocean is just as beautiful and majestic as the waves hit the shore... and they hit ferociously too since it was stormy.  Though I got one good walk in along the rocky paths it mostly rained.  One day the weather was sunny, then rained, then sunny, then hailed, then sunny, then rain.... and so on.  Ever changing.

Like life.

The biggest change out there is that mom is missing.  Her smile, warmth and open arms.  Her presence seems to be everywhere though.   It's nice, but painful.  Bittersweet in the extreme.  Memories come one after another like the ocean waves.  Love seems to fill all the nooks and crannies of a home that was filled with her influence and beauty.  

I want so much to embrace and then share all the good that has been mine... so many blessings.... comfort and warmth.  Love and acceptance.... I'm still finding my way in all of this.  Some people seem to go on and embrace life to the fullest again... but I'm still a bit stunned.   Sometimes I curse the deep thinker and overly sensitive me.... but it's who I am and that's okay ... and there must be a purpose in it all....

So I wait, and I move forward, and I do what I can each day.... carrying all the good stuff I've been given close to me ... deep in my heart.

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