I am trying to come to terms with some enormous questions....mysteries really...and my faith ...and God's plans. I used to think we could understand why God was doing things in the world, what His purpose was. That we could know with reasonable certainty. Now I am far from sure and I'm thinking it may be a bit arrogant to suggest I know.
Like Edd's cancer. If God could just tell me why... What is His purpose in it? Is He punishing us? Is He choosing us? Is it random? Is there something we are missing?
I have heard some so-called reasons and they do sometimes give comfort and a measure of satisfaction, but these answers are inadequate and incomplete and don't bring peace. They seem too simplistic and the truth is I don't know the plans God has...for me, for those I love, or for this world. Who can know the mind of God?
Yes, we learn the importance of living each day in a deliberate and grateful way. Yes we see the foolishness in sweating the small stuff. Yes, we focus more on things that really matter. Yes we think just a little deeper about what it means to love and be alive. But still. It's still not enough. It may be a by-product of all this but it doesn't answer my why questions.
He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-31)
My heart is breaking Lord and I am not sensing that you are binding up my wounds. I do not feel your rest.
Sometimes God is so very silent to me. I so want to trust Him in these hard times, but feel as if I am failing.