Tuesday, May 8, 2012

every moment

Staying busy right now is helpful.  And I do have a lot of things that need doing.  It's amazing actually.  So far it hasn't felt overwhelming.  I will tackle things one item at a time.  Like Edd would do.  Even when he had little strength he did what he needed to do.  His example is ever with me.  He gives me strength every day.  He said doing the right thing gave him strength.  It does the same for me.  I will do the right things. 

Lately Texas has experienced a few pretty impressive thunderstorms and some dark, cloudy days.  They give me a melancholy feeling ... as if I needed more of that ... and make me feel like I should take a jacuzzi or settle down with a book... and rest.  Maybe that's one of the reasons I dislike summers here ... they can be hot and sunny every day and don't compel me to sit a while, hunker down, and just be cozy. 

The days keep marching on though.  Never stopping for anyone or anything.  How did the world not stop the day he left me?  I feel as though I'm sitting by a window on a train watching as the scene keeps changing, the days keep passing, and yet my heart is left behind in the past.  It has a gaping wound that even as it begins to heal, as all wounds should, the scab continues to fall off... again and again. 

I write because it feels as though I'm keeping him close.  I write because I miss him so much.  I write because every day I am reminded in so many ways how much he loved me and how he wants me to be strong.  I write because I want him to somehow know I will never forget.  I write because he is so close in my heart and even though I may be doing any number of things during the day, he is always in my thoughts.  Always right there.  Every moment. 


Ps... I love all those who have messaged me or commented... Please know your words are so precious to me and mean so much.... more than you could ever know.  Although I write for ME, I so appreciate the sweet encouragement and love that's been expressed... Bless you all...

My spring garden in the rain

Just a song I like....


  1. I remember when our Odell passed. My mom would tell me time and time again that even though she was going through her routine, attending events, planning for the future, laughing at jokes, etc...his being gone was constantly hanging over her. With so much sadness.
    She reminded me often.
    Breaks my heart.
    For her and for you.

  2. Made me cry, as your posts always do :)

  3. I have tears in my eyes and I have never wanted to hug anyone as much as I want to just you right now... You are the epitome of who I want to become when I grow up - and mind you, I am already 44 yrs old! You're grace and poise are intact despite your grieving heart... Prayers and Hugs from the girl you have been so kind to and such an inspiration to all because of your blog... Keep writing my friend... God willing the dark days will be less and less... Tessa

  4. Heartache is just plain ole horrible. And wearing and worrisome to the core. If it helps as the world feels like it hasn't taken notice, know that there are many of us who have.

    On a lighter note, I smiled at your sweet turtle and mushroom, guardians of your garden...

  5. Your approach seems to me the best at the moment and one day at a time is great! The picture is so beautiful, thank you for sharing!

  6. Again I say how generous and brave you are to share with us your journey here. I loved that song, it made me feel like I was being gently rocked, and comforted. I hope it does the same for you.

  7. I think writing is very healing and cathartic. If it helps you, it's the right thing to do. I think it would help me. I love Patti Griffin, and I do love "Heavenly Day." Such a beautiful song.

  8. Your words always touch my heart! I feel your pain and sorrow and love.

    Bless you!!