Thursday, May 3, 2012

made it through

What a week.  I should be writing this on a Friday, but so much has happened during the week that I think I'll start early looking back on it. 

It was exhausting.  I am totally depleted tonight.  But you know what?  I made it through.  I tackled problems.  I did what needed to be done. I looked for solutions.  I found them.  I educated myself.   I did some planning.  I cried a lot.  I even laughed a little. 

I had dinner with a friend tonight.  What a sweetheart she is.  We chatted it up.  She even let me talk endlessly about Edd.  We talked about men.  Husbands.  How the way they show love for their families is by providing for them.  Edd showed a lot of love.  He thought of everything.  He worked hard and one of the ways he wanted to show he loved me was by taking care of me.  Helping me to understand everything so I'd know what to do.  It gave him joy.  He loved my appreciation for all he did.  Lack of appreciation was one of the things that made his previous relationship sour and die.  As we said to each other one time recently, "What good is love if you can't feel it..."

So even though the week was full of court appearances, opening accounts, closing accounts, learning and trying to understand new things, working through problems, talking to people who can help walk me through difficult decisions, not to mention a broken air conditioner..... I felt okay.   Even through the many tears, I felt what Edd would have wanted me to feel.  Loved and empowered.

Now if I could only get a good night's sleep.


  1. God Bless You... I am glad you are figuring out a "new normal"... I know it must be so hard. I wonder how my Mom did it when my Dad passed... I also thought she would surely crumble the 2nd time around, but through God's grace she did it again. A week ago tonight a memorial was held for one of our dear friends. A young, 42 year old with a wife and 3 kids ages 18mo to 11 years - succumbed to pancreatic cancer after a valiant battle... I wonder if you blog might be a source of comfort for both of you??? God Bless your broken heart...

  2. Glad you are funding solutions, and you could laugh too! Happy weekend