Thursday, May 24, 2012

the small stuff

Days follow days.  I'm doing the right things.  Most of them anyway.  I appear to be coping quite well.  Goes to show that no one really knows do they....  and appearances can be quite deceptive.   I'm reading.  A Grief Observed....   The Year of Magical Thinking.  It helps to get my mind on something else.  Relatable.  But there is no cure for grief.  None.

A very insightful friend who also lost her husband told me this week that "it doesn't help that you keep finding yourself 'ambushed' by the simplest things. Missing the little things even more than the big stuff. This is one time when the small stuff seems to have power to hurt beyond reason." 

A Robert Brault quote comes back to me effortlessly ....  "Enjoy the little things for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."  

I did enjoy the little things. 

I had a dream last night.  I was in the same room as Edd.  It was a full room packed with people.  The details of the dream aren't terribly important but the important thing was that we knew we were in the same room together.   My awareness of his presence was strong.  And I was certain he was aware of mine.  It felt nice... even though we didn't speak.  He was busy in charge of doing something and I was going to have some responsibility placed on me too.  But I felt good just knowing he was nearby.  I was very aware of the feeling of wanting to do well because he would know.  I didn't feel stress.... but I just wanted to do a good job because he would be there to see me.

I've had my share of bad dreams.... It's nice when you have a good one.



  1. I cried, of course, and then I saw the picture of you two holding hands on your sidebar, and cried more...

  2. It's soooo hard not to get caught up in missing the little things, isn't it? So nice you had such a comforting dream about Edd. It's the little things I miss most about my parents, my father's funny comments, my mother folding my laundry..............Thank you for the kind comments on my blog, write on, my friend.

  3. Kathy, I would cherish that dream. I believe that when we die, we ARE busy, and that there are things to do and responsibilities to take care of. It may have been more than just a silly dream - more like a peek into what's to come. He's there waiting for you, and I know he's aware of you.

  4. I'm happy for your visit with Edd and a pleasant dream. The little things count.