a day well spent

It was a busy day and I am achy and tired.  The day was more cheerful because we seemed to be able to concentrate less on problems and more on just living and getting some things done.

Edd and I like to talk about current events.  Our country's social challenges.  Politics. Issues of the day.  Anything and everything.  But the 24/7 cable new programs just annoy us as they dribble endless commentary and people talk out of their butts spreading hopelessness and fear.  The young 20-something big-boobed woman who pretends to be an expert on the war in the Middle East...  or the one telling us how to handle our finances just isn't cutting it for me.

Today we decided to shut off the TV and listen more to better quality radio stations, XM satellite radio (we have it in our cars), read more and stop absorbing a lot of the noise that leaves us feeling hollow and agitated with the "wonderful" rich lives of celebrities and endless commercials telling us what we absolutely need... NOW.

I exercised.  I ate well... meaning healthy choices... and gave my body what was good for it.  Not too much.  Not too little.

I shopped for valances for the bedroom... and cleaned up the room spic and span.  

Sitting area in the bedroom

Nothing earth-shattering, but a good day from beginning to end.

a soul's growth

As I read words by C.S. Lewis in his book A Grief Observed I'm strangely comforted by a man who was such a great apologist for Christianity and yet still wrestled with his faith during a time of great suffering.

“God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't... He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.”

Wow.

“When you are happy, so happy you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be — or so it feels— welcomed with open arms. But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence.”

I have felt this silence. And I have felt something even worse then anger toward God. What is worse is doubting that He even exists and that this life is all there is. Because if we doubt He exists where is our hope?

There are things we cannot learn any other way but to "go through it." I loved when my children were little and I seemed to have the power to kiss a boo boo and make the pain go away. Make it all better. But life is seldom that simple.

I've always believed one of our greatest callings is to help take the sting out of life for someone else. To help by our words, by a touch, by a kind gesture or loving support.

Deep thoughts. But they are mine tonight. And admitting our doubts, as I have been told, is part of our soul's growth.

I'm hoping.

gratitude

Gratitude.  Something many of us need.  Being grateful leads to contentment and peace.   It is what I was reminded of tonight as I struggled with doubt and anger in my life.  I've come back to this song on more than one occasion.

I can't change others.  Heck, it's hard to change ME...   But I can ... with work.  I can't control people and circumstances around me, but I can try to be the best me I can be.

living it

This last week was a mixed bag of fun and frustration.

Fun.  Had a co-worker of Edd's over for dinner.  He was from England.  It was interesting to compare countries and see that we all have our problems.  It was funny when Jenni suggested I offer him a cup of tea after dinner.  When I offered Earl Grey he said "just regular" and I then realized all I had was Luziane teabags for iced-tea making. Hope that worked for him.

Frustration. My computer crashed.  Spent over four hours on the phone with a technical support guy from India trying to fix it.  Can't fix it without spending more money on a machine that I've already lost everything on.  Hard drive shot.  Software gone.

Fun.  Decided to take the plunge and get an iMac.  Yay!  Learning new very cool stuff!  My brain hurts though.

Frustration.  Couldn't load  an app on Edd's iPad and got impatient so somehow erased all his saved stuff.  Great. Had to restore to factory settings.  Ugh.  I need to be more careful!  I was forgiven though.  Phew.

Fun.  Weather was cooler so took some wonderful walks outside and worked in the garden.  Had some nice talks with my mom.  (I love her)

Frustration.  Dealing with health insurance and trying to understand it all .... and what is best to do in the future.   Working on my resume.  Again, my brain hurts.


Today Edd has a CT scan.  It's part of the journey.  Seeing what is going on inside.  Praying for all of that.  Praying all would just go away and never come back.  Hoping. Wishing. Praying. Waiting. Loving. Learning. Wondering. Questioning. Hearing. Resting.  Breathing.

Such is life.  Living it.

morning talks

Seems our day was begun by the coffee maker.  The coffee was programmed to be ready at 7 am, but real time was erroneously set ahead an hour so the coffee was finished at 6.  Edd noticed it was ready and assumed I had some reason for needing to get up that early so he woke me and asked if I wanted him to bring me a cup.  I said yes and then we realized the time and wondered why we were drinking coffee so early!  After a while we figured it out.

No matter.  We always have good talks in the morning over coffee.

But I was still a bit tired.  I had some trouble sleeping during the night and got up to write down some  thoughts as I sometimes do.  I’m going to begin going to a ladies Bible study again and the topic will be prayer.  Oh, boy.  I have some baggage  deep thoughts relating to that topic and how some “name and claim” their wants and wishes so I needed to sort things by writing them down.  I wrote down quite a few pages worth.

I’ve been in many prayer studies before, but at the end of the day, it’s still a mystery to me why He sometimes answers yes and sometimes answers no.  Yeah, I’m baffled.  I do pray.  I am real with God.  I ask Him to work in my life.  I ask for His protection on myself and those I love.  I ask for healing.  I give thanks for many things.  I talk to Him like a friend.  I pray my way through the day.  It’s like breathing.  But I have learned to give the situations to Him believing He knows more than I do. 

I started telling Edd how I felt, and what I had written and he, as usual, had some interesting things to add.  You’d think someone with cancer would be pleading with God for healing.  Asking for things all the time.  But no.  He said he rarely asks for things from God, but thinks if God wanted to heal him, He would.  He says he’d rather spend time praying for God to give Him the strength to deal with what is going on and to become the person he should be…. and he asks for forgiveness.

Beautiful.  I so want to trust Him with the rest.  With everything.   

just gotta keep going

 

Some days I feel like this. 

The winds blow strong and knock us off our feet. 

But a friend of mine wisely said the key is to keep on marching!

 

 

Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer.  ~André A. Jackson

The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running.

coq au vin

Looked in the freezer this morning to see what I had and what I wanted to make for dinner.  I thought it was chicken’s turn so I looked for recipes I might be able to easily make using the crock pot.  That’s when Edd piped in.

“What about Coq au Vin?”

Cock of what? Wanting to please my wonderful husband I looked it up and whalla! I found a crock pot Coq au Vin recipe.


I figured I’d run to the store to get the ingredients I lacked and just throw it all in the crock pot, turn the switch to ON and go on my merry way.

It wasn’t quite that simple.

Bacon and onion needed to be fried first. Not to worry. Only one slice went into the mix. Then the chicken had to be sprinkled with dried thyme and salt and browned, then the mushrooms needed to be sautéed… Wine (a delicious burgundy from France of course) was then added to the fry pan along with some tomato paste to make sure all the browned flavor from the pan was included in the dish….

Now all could be thrown together along with some fresh garlic …. and slow cooked all afternoon.

YUM…. turned out pretty well.  I love to try new recipes!

Even Nicky liked it!

But he likes everything with chicken it its name!