dachshunds to the rescue!

Last year I lamented a little bit not being able to go to the Annual Reunion for the dachshund rescue organization I got Norman from .... but this year we went.

Dog lovers are a special breed, no pun intended, and dachshund owners/lovers are in a class all by themselves.  I met a lady who rescues dogs that have been abandoned around her city... all kinds of dogs.   I met a woman who owned a dachshund with no teeth or jaw.  I met a couple who adopted two dachshunds, one had scars all over his back and had been abused.  I met sweet little dachshunds who are being trained and used as therapy dogs. 

Since it was an October event, many of the doxies were in costumes for Halloween.  My Norman just won't stand for that though.  He freezes up and won't move if I even put a sweater on him.... so I won't torture him!  Though my previous dachshund LOVED to wear sweaters!

There were hot dogs (of course) for lunch, raffles, free samples of pet food, treats, interesting vendors selling their stuff.... and DACHSHUND RACES!  If you've never seen a dachshund race you're really missing out!  It's hilarious.  They race a short distance to their owner on the other end of the track.  Some run a straight path and others don't.  Very sweet!



Off to the races!

Norman got to see the lady, Christine, who took care of him for quite some time before I adopted him.  He certainly seemed to remember her and gave her some kisses and sat contentedly on her lap.  Another dachshund who hadn't seen Christine in almost two years ran up to her as she sat in a chair next to me.  The little guy was crying and carrying on trying to get to her.  Though he now has a wonderful home, he remembered Christine and showed it with every whimper, wiggle, yelp and wag of his tail!



Norman with Christine

There are so many dogs that need forever homes and I really appreciate all that these organizations do to place great companions into loving homes and arms.  After losing Edd, Norman made me smile again.



Norman with his crooked foot



Me... the day he came home with me

random statements, questions and observations.... for a friday evening....

Life is too short to be motivated by anything but love.  Sometimes I think things through too much and lose site of the best priority.... just love and leave the results to God.

I choose to embrace and celebrate my life with courage.  Edd offered me tons of courage through his example, his love for me.... and his trust and confidence in me.

Cultivate infectious joy?  I saw that on a bumper sticker recently.  What does that mean actually?

The worst thing you can do to a person is make them feel invisible.  Like they are not even worth your time.  Validate people.

Some relationships are corrosive.... little by little people are being minimalized.  You shouldn't allow anyone to make you feel that way.  We need to accept the significant people in our lives and love them right where they are.  We don't have the power to change anyone, but we have the power to change ourselves.

I did something hard today.  I sorted through some more belongings of my husband's that needed to go to Goodwill.  No one has been there to help.  Some things you have to go through alone I guess.  But I did it and got through it reverently... till the next time.  It still hurt though as if I lost him yesterday.

We draw to us what we are... call that the law of attraction or whatever... but we are like magnets to those who identify with us or want what we project.  You want good people in your life?  Be that!  It can be a good thing when people drop out of our lives....

It's not that I miss Edd any less, it's just that a heart cannot maintain that level of grief for long and be able to be healthy or sane.   You cannot function at that level of grief forever so you have to let some of it go and disengage....  I hate that too though but it's a matter of survival.

Sometimes there is a fine line between inspiration and feeling bad about yourself.  Sometimes reading other people's life stories do one or the other to me.  I need to be the best version of ME that I can be...  not compare myself to someone else and what they are doing.

I want to get rid of more and more clutter in my life.  I want the best kind of "more" in my life....

"When you look back in 20, 30, 60 years, what would you rather see? A life filled with stacks of stuff and a ton of obligations and a lot of scurrying... around from errand to errand? Or a life centered around carefully gathering valuable experiences and items and goals?

Because that’s the other half of minimalism. The half where less gives way to more: more experiences, more enjoyment, more purpose, more connections, more laughter, more independence, more passion, more great work. The best kind of more." Jeffrey Tang

Yeah, that's what I want.

moms

As a mom I worry about my kids... and let's face it, your children, no matter what their age will always be your "kids".    I'm not the first, nor the last, nor the only one.... who feels this way.  I am part of a long line of mothers who love their children with a deep and lasting love ..... who prays for them and gives them to God every day.  I wish for them to have contentment, fulfillment and joy... and all they need to make wise and good choices.

Ahhh..... there is peace in just knowing I can pray for them.... there is a serenity that comes when you give up control as an act of faith and rest in God's control...

Is it strange that as my relationship with God gets closer... more healthy...  that I feel the presence and closeness of Edd even more as well...  and more real?  I don't think it's a coincidence.

Sometimes I feel this world is even closer to the next than we realize.

But getting back to moms....

I remember when I was a little girl.  I was an insecure little kid.  I felt the most safe when I was home with my mom in our country house up on a hill in rural New Jersey.  I'd walk down the driveway every day to get the bus when I was only five years old... going to Kindergarten.  As I'd leave the house I'd say, "Mom am I going to be okay today?"  Knowing my fears, she'd always reply, "Yes, you will be okay."

And then somehow I was.... But God forbid I forgot to ask her if I'd be okay before leaving.  I'd then have a worrisome, horrible day!

I must have drove my poor mom crazy!

But I grew up.... and out of those fears.

I guess.  Mostly.... Maybe.

Fast forward a few decades... and I find myself in the office of a cardiologist after getting a slew of tests done.  Basically I was saying, "Doc, am I going to be okay?"

Thankfully he answered, Yes... all is fine.

And my symptoms went away ....  Truth is we all need a little reassurance from time to time, don't we?

I had tests done because I needed to know everything was okay.

As I reflected on this I thought, "Mom, did you have something to do with this?  You're not here to tell me I'm okay, and boy did I ever rely on you for your words of encouragement over the years.  You'll never know.... but I can't help but think you may have had a part in getting me to see someone who could speak your words.... "

All is well.  All will be well.

I love you Mom....

wounds

In the last few years it's become apparent to me that emotional wounds are just as real as physical wounds.  Physical wounds are easy to see... they result in bleeding, pain and possible infection.  They can be ugly.  Sometimes the wound doesn't heal as quickly as another's wound.  Sometimes the wound gets better and then flares up again and needs more attention and care.  Sometimes the wound takes much longer to heal than we think it should.  

Emotional wounds are the same way.  But often we don't give them the same care and compassion. 

But we should.  We need to.

Just because we can't see a wound with our eyes... with a bandage on it, we often think they are not as important.... or even deny their existence.    We need to recognize that they need time to heal and can heal but they need loving nurturing care, just the way a physical wound does.   Sometimes others feel as though we should be "better" sooner than we are....

People we meet each day have them.  I've often thought it would be nice if we could treat people with a little more care and a little more love and just try to see beyond the physical bodies in front of us.  You know, don't take the bait and get all bent out of shape when someone ticks you off or acts like a careless idiot.  You don't have to like it, but don't let people ruin your day.  Oh I know it's hard.... people can be full of prickles and so hard to love... but I learned through losing Edd that emotional wounds take time to heal and there's no rushing the process...  just like there's no rushing a physical wound's healing.  They get better in their own time.  

It's not easy but I'd like to see beyond the physical and remember that people we meet have wounds we can't see.... and wouldn't it be nice if others took the time to care about ours as well ....  It could make all the difference.

Google Images photo

moving forward and trusting ....

I just love evenings like this.  One that I can pour a glass of wine, have a little Brie.... and crackers... enjoy a pesto and tomato pizza and just relax and think and reflect... Count my many blessings.... see clearly God working in my life....

....I've begun trusting myself again.  And it feels right... and good.  While in a vulnerable place I began questioning myself too much and what I had to offer.  And you know what?  After much soul searching I'm coming out of it.  I'm realizing I have much experience and much to share of value.   I don't need to hold back when the circumstance warrants.   Adversity will do that to a person.   Make them question.  Doubt.  But it's designed to eventually make us stronger.  With more resilience, courage and strength ...  and more to give.

It is doing that.

God uses adversity for our good.  If we are willing and open....

Times of questioning in our lives have their place.  I welcome it.  But I'm feeling stronger now.  God brought me into, stayed with me, walked with me through... and brought me out of.... is STILL bringing me out of.... tough times .... for a reason.  Once again I am seeing that His divine plan involves nothing, NOTHING, being wasted.  It's used for our good.... for a purpose.... whether you believe in Him or not... He is....

... for you too.

I'm trusting.

Thankful.

Grateful.

At peace.

this last year....

Life gets busy... and I'm always learning something new.  About myself.  Others.  And about life in general.  One thing that's nice about having a blog, or writing, is that you can look back and remember things that might otherwise be lost. 

It's been a year since I wrote this.... and this....

Today I discovered it's been exactly one year since I bought my bike.  I've been riding quite a bit and find it's one of the best things I did for myself this last year.  I wish I knew just how many miles I've put on it.  It would be fun to know. 

This last year I discovered what it's like to feel as though you are on a downward spiral that you can't stop.   I found out some important things about myself and I couldn't help thinking about other people like me who are struggling too and may not understand what is happening to them.  Time reveals such valuable insights if we continue to be open.

I've had many an insight these last months.

My doctor prescribed some medication for me for stress and anxiety because I asked her for it.  A while back.  I needed something.  I think it may have even helped some in the beginning but some of these medications can be a slippery slope once you start taking them and can really mess with your head.  I've learned I am better off striving to eat healthy, get plenty of rest and exercise, cultivate friendships... and keep seeking God... trusting Him to the bigger things in life that I just can't understand...   

It's been a busy couple of months for doctor's appointments.  Today was the yearly A Woman's Place exam and I'm happy that's over.  The good news is I am ten pounds less than I was this time last year, but 1/4 of an inch shorter!

That hardly seems fair to me!

I talked to a friend recently who described how she felt when she lost her mom and dad.  She said she felt like a little boat drifting in the middle of a vast ocean... Just not quite knowing where she was or where she was going.  Feeling lost.

I could relate.

And I'm learning...

"If you're really listening, if you're awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold ever more wonders."

- Andrew Harvey

"No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow." 

- Alice Walker

"As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us" - Sascha

thoughts about stress

Stress.  Yeah, I've had it.  I took care of my husband with cancer for almost four years only to watch him lose his life to the horrid disease.   I watched my mom take her last breath exactly one year later.  The two rocks in my life.... gone....  My oldest daughter struggles with addictions that I can't fix.   Some decided I wasn't good enough for them and rejected me for following my husband's wishes.   Faith?  I've struggled with that too.  What gave me peace for the last three decades is just not giving me the answers I need right now. 

But I have hope.  Because I am not going to give up the search.  I am getting there and will be all the stronger because of it.  Because of all of it.   Learning lessons that only adversity can teach.... I know God knows all and I have no regrets or guilt... so that gives me courage and hope... I lean on my friends and my family. ....  but I'm only human with limitations so I strive to gain the strength I need.

We all do. 

Funny (well, not really.)  So many of us today struggle with stress in our lives.  It's a tough world.  According to the American Psychological Association (APA) 77% of people regularly experience physical symptoms caused by stress.  That's a lot of folks! 

Today, while at a doctor's appointment, I talked to the nurse who administered a quick EKG of my heart.  As I told her the stresses in my life, she responded with understanding and began to tell me of the stresses in HER life.  I then became the compassionate listener as I heard of her losing a child six years ago.  She said she will sometimes turn on the news and hear of all the horrible things going on and feel a bit overwhelmed with it all..... 

Yup... We are all not that much different if we are honest with one another.  One man in the waiting room spoke to me a couple of times, almost yelling across the room at me stating.... "How's your blood pressure?"  and "Are you filling out all those forms?"   When I lifted my head to look at him, smiling, he then said that it gave him too much stress to answer all those questions!!   I told him I understood.  Honestly, there were about 8 pages of paperwork to fill out for this doctor's appointment.  Possibly a bit overwhelming for an 80-year-old man who came to his appointment holding a blood pressure monitor in his hands..... I wanted to give him a hug..... I see people differently than I used to....

Sometimes all we need is to have something tweaked health wise... some good advice.   And sometimes we just need someone to tell us we are okay and then somehow we are... and our symptoms vanish in time.  Of course sometimes it's serious and by being proactive we stop a catastrophe from occurring.

But most of the time the stresses in life pass and we deal with them and move forward as best we can.