Thursday, January 5, 2012

evening thoughts and reprieve

I say that trials and tests locate a person. In other words they determine where you are spiritually. They reveal the true condition of your heart. -- John Bevere

I've heard it said that adversity introduces a man to himself. I suppose that is true. It reveals aspects of ourselves that are deep down in often unknown and unreachable places. I would not have seen Edd down to the core had I not witnessed his grace and strength and courage as he journeyed down a road of little certainty. I've watched it and have journeyed along with him. Learning too.
Another thing I've heard said is that we can understand in years what we may not understand in days. The lessons and insights may be revealed later down the road when we have the wisdom that comes from time. Like seasoned wine that gets better with age.
A friend dropped in for coffee yesterday and used the word reprieve to describe the now. It was a wonderful blessing. Yes, that's it. Reprieve. I like that word.
We have a bit of a reprieve now. There are days of peace with some routine settling in. Edd knows his memory isn't what it once was and we even laugh at the silliness of it sometimes. Some of what comes out is amazingly endearing. It's hard to live, REALLY live, one day at a time. But we... I... am trying. I don't know how long this will last but each day is a gift.
Have I turned into one of those persons who has to understand everything before I can have faith? Do I have to completely reason things out before I can believe? I know God doesn't want us to discard our brains, after all he made them and gave them to us to USE, but have I become so cynical, such a doubting Thomas, that I can't just rest in God and believe He loves me and will take care of all these things that I just can't? I hope not.... 
I am changing. I feel it. I invite it. I welcome it.

I want to learn more about grace. To experience it and to offer it to others. 

We say, then, to anyone who is under trial, give Him time to steep the soul in His eternal truth. Go into the open air, look up into the depths of the sky, or out upon the wideness of the sea, or on the strength of the hills that is His also; or, if bound in the body, go forth in the spirit; spirit is not bound. Give Him time and, as surely as dawn follows night, there will break upon the heart a sense of certainty that cannot be shaken. --Amy Carmichael


  1. Beautifully written. I've been going through a lot of adversity too and could relate to that part of wondering about becoming cynical or having to understand everything before having faith. Tough times definitely bring those feelings to the surface. The honesty, true feelings you express, and your writing is amazing. Your family is in my prayers.

  2. It's so tempting to discard faith during a trial because we don't understand the why of it all. But I've been through enough to know that sometimes we just won't understand things completely right now. It will take some prayers and some study and some seasoning - before we begin to see the master pattern. Be patient and try to enjoy the little things. One day you'll look back and the bigger things will be more clear. And one thing that was always made crystal clear to me in times of pain: I was never alone. And our Heavenly Father loves his daughters very much. Hold onto that.