friday evening

Friday evening.  As I sip a glass of Cab I think of the week gone by.  For someone who stays home much of the time with a husband with disabilities I sure have a lot going on.  Different than someone who gets out all the time but busy non the less.  My days are full.  God has given me work to do.  Maybe not what I would have chosen, but work that is important.

I scheduled a cleaning service to come to my house this week, a maid if you will, to treat myself...  As my daughter can attest, I was bummed when they didn't show!  I was really looking forward to someone else doing some of my housework.  My MIL has been telling me to get help and I decided, "Yeah, I think that would be nice"... Turns out they were an unscrupulous business that offered a Groupon that I bought. Oh well. I will hire someone else. I LOVE a clean house. Maybe because it's actually something I can busy myself with and have some control over.   

Life is often uncomfortable these days.  I know what comfortable feels like. And this isn't it.  I want to know how to really live out these days, not missing the good-stuff, but well, sometimes I see very little good-stuff.  But it's okay.  There is still a lot to be thankful for.

I'm learning....

To be more sensitive.

To just listen.  Really listen.

To take care of ME when I need to.

To wait.  Wait on God and His timing.

To pray for others when I can't do anything else for them.
To be there.  Sometimes it's just what someone else needs.
To give when you think you can't give any more. (You can.)

I remember my sweetie saying months ago, years now actually, (with tears) when we discovered how serious his cancer was, that he was going to break my heart. In so so so so many ways he has tried to shield me from the blows.  As Randy Panauch spoke of in The Last Lecture, he has been trying to build some nets for me to soften the fall but my heart still breaks a little each day.  There is no getting around it. As I see him wanting to "ready me" the unspoken reason is the elephant in the room that just won't leave.

The people who have said they would pray for us, for me, are angels. Some I don't know personally and I've never met face to face, but they've reached out to offer kind words... and I truly see them as God's hands and heart... reaching out to me.  Comfort packaged up and given to me as a gift.

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