Tuesday, January 31, 2012

a worthwhile day

What makes for a worthwhile day?   I guess it's different for everyone.  But I spent time pondering that today and as a result felt broken.    Broken in a way that makes you see what is important.  Broken in a way that changes your perspective... and makes you see something that you were missing.   And sometimes a change in perspective is what is needed to carry on.  It's needed to survive..... especially when in deeply difficult situations.

I was floundering.  Feeling as though I just couldn't do it.  Getting lost in fear.

Then I realized God wanted me to see the sacred in the chaos.  See the enigmatic in the fear.  See far into eternity even when the present seems very messy and impossible to understand.

Love...  pondering love.  Is it passion?  There has been passion.  But love is not passion.  It is the pulse of sacrifice.

When I begin to feel overwhelmed I will remember some words that I read ....

That love lays down plans.  Lays down agendas.  Lays down self.  It lays down its own wants.... to hold onto a person.

I find myself looking into faces.  Faces can reveal a lot.  I pray I will have eyes that really see.  Even when those faces break your heart.

No one really knows your story.  No one really knows what you are going through.  I am seeing that clearly.  Just me... and God.  It is in Him that I need to trust.... that He knows.... 

I'd like to tell others... and tell my own self ... to stay strong.  To be true to yourself.  Stand firm.  I'll look back someday if I'm given the chance.  I'll look back and wonder if I've loved well.  I want to be able to say... "yes"....

True.  The words that matter most are the ones we live.


  1. Beautifully said.

    You came to my mind a few moments ago and I had to pray for you and yours.
    Will continue to do so.


  2. A friend of mine shared this poem with me not long ago, and I try to remember the sentiment:

    Ring the bells that still can ring; forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen

    You and Edd are being refined. Sometimes I think the gift of knowing your fate is the best one. It gives you the gift of time, and the opportunity to take advantage of the Refiner's fire. You are thinking so deeply and trying so hard to do well. You are doing your best to rise to the occasion, and that's all anyone can ask. The more cracks, the more light that gets in. You can do this. {{HUGS}}

  3. Kathi, I am speechless at the depth of thought this post provokes. ((hugs))