I have a few people who ask me what I am doing for ME these days. If I am taking care of myself. Peace has settled into our routine a little bit this week and it's been nice. I'll take it.... I have little expectations these days.
As I sit here now sipping a glass of Shiraz and nibbling on some pretzels with hummus, I'm thinking of and thankful for the things I enjoy that, quite frankly, make all the difference. Oh, I'm not much different than others, but I try to really be "in the moment" these days. Relishing the simplest of pleasures.
I am learning to let go of feeling like I need to be perfect in order for God to love me. Grace. Rest. How few of us really rest today. Rest in spirit and soul... I'm learning what's so amazing about grace.
Jacuzzi... taking the time to relax and let candlelight, aromatherapy and detoxifying bath salts take me away!
Did I say Shiraz? Enjoying a glass of wine, not in excess, but making celebrations out of anything and everything.
Nice conversations with family or friends. Just being together or sharing life's happenings. Validating, supporting, and encouraging each other....
Sitting in front of the fire... I love this time of the year.
It's mind boggling to think I can even have a regular conversation with my husband after all he's been through the last few months. He came home from the hospital needing a wheelchair. Exchanged it for a walker. Now needs neither. He's rallied... His short-term memory is quite clearly effected but we enjoy being together, we laugh, we talk, we live.... Yesterday we met with Edd's oncologist and discussed quite extensively the option of more treatments for his cancer. As we drove home in the car, Edd said he heard what he needed to and condensed his decision down to one sentence “I can go back on treatment (chemo) and hate every day of my life.” I then added that we can stay as we are and LOVE every day that we have. The decision was clear.
So it comes down to a philosophy. Even if we pursued scans, MRI's and painful treatments with serious side-effects the amount of time we might buy is suspect. We choose to live the time we have now in peace, being grateful for each and every day.
Thinking of you both, Kathi, and sending you love.
ReplyDeleteI have a dear friend with pancreatic cancer. He's only 42 and has a wife and 3 children and while his tumor is not able to be surgically removed, he recently went through several rounds of chemo and it remains inoperable and they are opting for more chemo and radiation. I am not sure I would, but I am a nurse and I know the reality of the odds and I decided long ago, after watching my Daddy, and later my stepfather struggle with it - that if I got cancer with bad odds - I would NOT do treatments... That decision was made before I was blessed with a child. Now I am a Mom and I would probably have to revisit that notion, though I'm not sure. I did watch my Mom kick brain cancer to the curb for 22 years before it recurred and even then, it was ultimately strokes that took her. I didn't mean to drag on, but my point is that I 100% agree that you and Edd are making the right call at this stage and I almost wish my friend were opting to make "well" memories instead of "sick ones"... I won't tell him that - the wife and 3 kids ages 15 mos, 8yr, 11yr obviously make him want to keep up the fight... And - obviously we ALL believe in MIRACLES... I'm sure the recent loss of my Carmen and my medical knowledge and family history have me believing that sometimes it's OK to receive the ULTIMATE HEALING on the other side... I am so glad you are still seeking out ways of comforting yourself so that you are strong for Edd. And, because you deserve peace and moments of relaxation... You are a special woman and your grace is impeccable in the face of adversity. You are in my prayers, as always...
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you, for strength and peace. Treasuring these days, sounds like the right choice to me.
ReplyDeleteHow I would love to have a fireplace, I find it wonderfully calming!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful from start to finish, Kathi.
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine having to make that choice, but I certainly understand the decision. It's my own private opinion that a loving family and a positive outlook can buy you more time than you would think. Special prayers will be said for both of you.
ReplyDelete