Tuesday, February 28, 2012


I'd like to pour out my heart.  I'd like to say how hard this is.  I am in a bit of denial.  Thinking this is somehow normal and I'll get through it all unscathed and without scars.  But it's unlikely.  Because my emotions and spirit are being trampled upon and nothing will ever be totally right about any of this.  I am going with the flow.  It can't be changed.  It can't be healed.  It can't be made right, so the only alternative is to ride it.  Go with it.  And try not to be taken under with it.

But remember....

If he could tell me.  If he really was able to... I know he'd tell me these things....

Kathi, you are doing okay and you are so loved.  You are doing the best you can, I feel your love, and I utterly trust you to do the right things.  You are the love of my life and I don't want you to hurt.  I know this is hard and I am so sorry you have to go through this with me.  I knew I would break your heart and wish so much I didn't have to.  But you are strong.  And you will be okay.  Just remember all the things we talked about.. all we discussed and decided...  and be careful not to be overly concerned what others think because we are in this together.  Be patient with yourself.  Take care of yourself.  I love you.  You know my deepest thoughts.  And they are for your good.  Stay strong.  

I'll try.


  1. Sometimes, I wish you lived next door, so I could make you a cup of tea and let you pour your heart out through a whole pot and then some as long as you needed. Hugs from NJ.

  2. My Mom used to remind me of this quote..."It's not the mountains ahead that wear us down, it's the little grain of sand in your shoe". You are braving the dailies and the decisions of the day seemingly on your own. But, you are right...you DID discuss and decide on most things together. Those things that are coming up unexpected...Edd trusts you and your love for each other to make the best decision for you both. Take off those shoes and shake that sand out. You can walk lighter on your journey towards the mountain ahead.
    Much love and you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. Edd sounds like a wise man, and you've had many discussions and made many decisions with him. Trust yourself to do the right thing. He does. I've been thinking about you.

  4. Kathi,
    You & yours were on my heart tonight.
    You came to mind while we were praying at church.
    Just wanted you to know that prayers are going up.

    Love to you & yours!